Idiots at the Mall

I’m working on an Iron Man 3 review right now, too, but, well, this comes first.

We went out for my birthday today. (It’s on Monday, but he has to work so this was the best day to go out of town) We took munchkin to the Children’s Museum in Greensboro and to the Four Season’s Mall, because… well, to be honest, the Danville Mall sucks ass. No good stores and they ripped out the only place for the kids to play, the Mega Bounce.

Anyhow, while in the mall, I got to witness quite a few of my pet peeves! Yay! …Not. So, here’s a list of pet peeves, and all around stupid stuff I got to see in the mall today!

Idiots in the food court who were talking as LOUD as they could, laughing like hyenas, and all around sounding like a group of braying donkeys. You were stupid. You looked like dumbasses. Hence, why many people were throwing you looks of “shut the ever loving fuck up” at you. And when you got up to ‘bro hug’ your buddies like you’re in a gang or the mafia or some bullshit? You looked more stupid.

The lady who wore tight zebra striped/zig zag pants… in a size 36… Lady, I’m all for being comfy in your own skin and whatnot… but DAMN. No. You look like someone stuffed sausage into a casing about 10 times too tiny for you… meaning those tights, they’re probably TOO tight. We could see your outline of your ovaries. You didn’t look hot. You looked like a hot mess.

Idiot with his pants down by his ankles x 100… You don’t look cool. You look like you have a saggy diaper on, and you need a change. It literally looks like you crapped your pants and that shit is hanging down low off your ass because you have turds in your jeans.

The dickhead who almost hit the shopping cart with my KID in it when we had to stop at the grocery store. Watch where the fuck you’re going. I don’t care if you’re 50 or 1000 years old. You come within an inch of my kid, and you had better expect me to go apeshit on your ass. So don’t look at me like I’m an idiot or like I’m crazy when I get in your face for almost hitting my daughter with your truck. I was loading groceries in the car, you plainly saw her and you KNOW it, and you could have parked on the other fucking side.

Kids running all over hell and creation. Where the hell are the parents?? I know it’s a Children’s Museum, but damn! You’d think you’d want to at least have the kid in EYESIGHT while you’re there, so that, you know, no one SNATCHES them. But no. Obviously you bring them in order for you to get some peace and quiet while you play on your Ipad. Which… not going to happen anyhow. It was nowhere NEAR quiet there, the siggy other and I felt like we’d just been front row at a Metallica concert when we left. Migraine City.

Kids who want to play in the toddler area and PUSH around toddlers. In particular… my almost-2-year-old. Seriously, the mom is RIGHT there, you’d think she could tell her kid to keep her hands to herself… but no. Not a damn bit. Instead she has to let her push around the toddlers. That kid better be glad she wasn’t mine… I’d have dragged her to the car and left right then and there the moment she put her hands on another child.

That’s not all of them, but those are the main ones who came to mind. I just felt the need to get that off my chest. Adios for now! Happy early Cinco de Mayo everyone!