Sometimes things are not perfect

You know, when you go into this parenting thing, you’re not expecting to have a child who has special needs of any kind. You think, oh, I’m pregnant! I’m going to have this big ball of perfect who will sleep all night, play with me, and love me unconditionally. Then the baby is born, and you think, Oh, ok so it’s not like I expected, but that’s ok! It’s not that tough! It’ll get better.

You don’t expect there to be any issues, you think your kid will grow, go to school, and not need anything to help with that. He or she will develop to be perfect all on their own.

Except, sometimes they don’t. Chloe is one of those cases.

Chloe is 17 months old as of this month. She is happy, playful, and energetic, and smart too. She is also speech delayed severely, has allergies, asthma, a heart murmur, a childhood immune deficiency, and chronic severe respiratory and ear infections. She will get better, but she is also behind.

You see, when Chloe was an infant, her respiratory infections caused ear infections. Her doctor never told me she was having these infections as bad as she was, and downplayed it. At 10 months old, when she was hospitalized for a stomach issue, we discovered a symptom to the immune issue. We changed doctors after another poor visit, and keep in mind, we had about 35+ visits to the same doctor in 10 months. This new doctor found the heart murmur (confirmed by cardiology), and she sent us where we needed to go… to specialists. After 8 months, we have some results. But now we have to fix the damage that not finding it for so long has caused.

Chloe at around 12 months. Cardiology Appt.

Breathing Treatments for asthma and allergies. 

Chloe hears things as if she is underwater half of the time, because she is. Her tubes in her ears are often filled with fluid. When you get an ear infection, the infection itself can go away in a week or so, but the fluid stays for up to 6 weeks. All those infections made her not hear things correctly. We noticed at 12 months old that she was behind, but we were in denial and kept hoping she would perk up. She would get better. For the record, please don’t tell someone who tells you that their kid has a problem that can affect them long term that their child will grow out of it… you are not a doctor, and that parent is often not looking for that response… they are informing you of their child’s health. Just an FYI from someone who has been there.

At around 11 months, during a hospital stay

At 15 months she was not better. She was mostly non-verbal, and knew one word: Daddy. It was time to see Early Intervention. Luckily, she qualified, and was quickly gotten set up with speech therapy. They will have their first official therapy session in 2 weeks.

Today, we had to go to the doctor’s office. 4 days ago I had to take Chloe to the urgent care for yet another ear infection. It sucked but, you know, you do what you have to do. You know you’re in the doctor’s office too much when all the staff knows you by name. She’d been on antibiotics for days at this point, so I figured she’d be a bit better.

Nope. So much nope.

You know, it really sucks to see your kid go through hell and not be able to help or really know what’s going on, or even be able to communicate with them…

Doctor checked her out, and her ears are highly severely infected. So her antibiotics have done nothing. Her eardrums are warped and her ear hairs have no movement to them, so there’s fluid in her ears, again, and it’s bad, again. She is in severe pain, and we never noticed because we thought it was another tantrum, that she was just cranky. Talk about feeling like shit. (For those of you who can communicate with your kids, please be so, so grateful you can actually do that…)

Us, today. Before I felt like crap because I found out she was still hurting...

Going out to places sucks, by the way, because of people who aren’t in our lives. We have to raise our voices a LOT to get Chloe to hear us and understand us, and we get looks like we are Satan incarnate because of it. Yet, if we allow her to tantrum and not correct her, we get those same looks. I hear myself constantly explaining to strangers who don’t matter that, “I’m sorry, she can’t hear us, we’re trying…” Traditional discipline does not work with her, because she cannot hear us properly to understand us. So, keep in mind when you see that kid throwing a tantrum in the mall, the mom raising her voice, the 6 year old in the stroller, the child on a harness… you do not know their life, or why that child is doing what they are doing. Special needs hides in children who do not look like they have special needs.

I mean, look at this kid. On the outside, you would never know she has any issues.

So now we’re waiting to see ENT (Ear Nose and Throat for those of you who are not specialist-slang savvy) to get a surgery date to put tubes in. Hopefully, even if it does not help with her speech, it WILL help with her pain. All I want is for her to not think that pain is normal…

I guess this turned into a rant and a bit of a preachy blog as well. Oh well. In all seriousness though… my kid is loved. She is perfect to me. She is also special needs. It makes her no less loved, it does not make her get away with murder, and it does not make her spoiled, entitled, bratty, obnoxious, or lacking of manners. It makes her need discipline that you may not understand, and a gentler hand to handle her tantrums, which come from a place of pure frustration and not being a brat. 

Momfessions: Confessions of Real Moms

First of all, welcome back to Mom to 2 Munchkins! Kinda got busy with school, and then other things related to the youngest's health, but we are back! Follow us on our vacations, trips to the doctor, specialists, and more. Get a glimpse into our day to day life, with a child who has special needs (man that is hard to say) and a preschooler (that's tough to say too) and a mom in college!

We all have some things we aren’t super proud of as parents. Be it a lack of healthy dessert options, spanking, not spanking, vaccinations both pro and con, what we feed them, how we handle the stress. But in the end, we’re all just trying our best to do the best we can. And we should be lifting each other up... educating on things that have factual research, but not being pushy, being polite, and helping one another. Instead, I see so much general animosity and hate...judgment against one another about things that really do not concern us in the slightest. Does it effect you if your neighbor's kids spend too much time on that darn game system? No, it's their kids.

Below are some anonymous confessions from real moms off an awesome facebook group called The Mommy Diaries. Despite the perfection we feel we have to display on the internet, these moms came out and were bluntly honest about the things they did that other may judge, or understand. They lift one another, and this group is literally one of the best mom groups I've seen on facebook.

Remember, as you read this… we’re all mothers, fathers, parents. We’ve all made mistakes or do things other parents would judge in a heartbeat. So, just keep that in mind… those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

• Sometimes I get so exhausted that I just turn the TV on and let the kids watch Dora so I can get just 10 minutes of peace and quiet.

• Every morning I do the same thing. My kids wake me up. I put the tv on for them in the living room and get each of them their bowls of cereal (they are almost 7 and 4 1/2) then I get my 15 month old out of her bed, change her and get her a bottle and a frozen waffle. I have a play yard in my living room. I put her in there. And then I go back to bed for 2 more hours. All 3 just watch tv and play and the baby is confined in the play yard and safe. My older kids come in and tell me if anything’s wrong but that almost never happens. I feel guilty I don’t get up with my kids. But I badly need the sleep. I normally go to bed at 12-2am and then I get up at 5am to get my boyfriend off to work so I can't fall back asleep till like 6am... So when they kids wake me up at 730am, I badly need those extra 2 hours. I normally get out of bed at 930ish.

• I got my almost 4 year old and 17 month old a bunk bed, and the oldest is on top, even though the warnings say not to get one until they're 6. We had no room and she climbs the ladder like a pro and sleeps like a log.  She hasn't fallen out of bed since she was 2.

• I don't feel guilty that my husband and I don't sleep in the same bed..... I co-sleep and my husband is not comfortable sleeping with our baby. We still get in plenty of intimate time so I don't feel bad for him.

• We've had ice cream for breakfast more than 5 times! Oops!

• I've let my oldest go to bed hungry. I am not a Burger King, you don't get it your way. She has only tried it twice.

• Once... or twice I didn't give the kiddos a bath because they were in the pool and I said good enough!

• I curse in my house... I don't curse AT my kids. I teach them which words are naughty and they are only allowed to say them when they are 18.

• I kept smelling poop one day. Found out my kid ninja pooped through my shirt to my bra, didn't even know she had pooped on me.

• One time when I took my bra off a binky fell out. A freaking binky.

• My 8 month old daughter LOVES South Park. One time, just so I could FINALLY finish the dishes and fold the last load of laundry, I put her in her bouncer and popped in a whole disk of it. 

• Sometimes I feel like a total mess and a failure as an adult, but as long as my little one is cared for and loved, I couldn't care any less about myself.

• I let my son watch The Waking Dead with me sometimes! He loves it and has never been scared of it. But I'm constantly told I'm a horrible parent because he's too young. He's 3. I only let him watch the ones I've already seen and I try to cover his eyes if a part gets too gruesome. But I don't see anything wrong with it because he doesn't get scared and doesn't have nightmares.

• My daughter watches tv. I don't think it's a bad thing, she still plays outside and does normal kid things, and we don't do video games at all. She's only 5 and knows how to turn Netflix on to her shows, and she'll let me sleep for about hour or two, then she comes and lets me know she is up and tells me to go back to bed.

• My youngest has health issues, which I've mentioned... and I still want another child before I'm 35. (I'm 28 now). We want one more shot at a little boy. I've been told so many times to just be happy with what we have now, that it's selfish to have another when our youngest may be behind for a long time, but... we do. We want one more...

• I let my kids run around naked if it's just me and the kids here. They're both girls and my youngest will be 2 tomorrow. She's getting better at potty training with panties and shorts on, but I still feel like she needs a little more help on being able to pull them up and down. Plus, why have extra clothes to wash if they take them off most of the time anyway? Win-win to me lol

• I have a confession....sometimes I get so mad at the kids for fighting or not listening to me when I have repeated myself 50 times that I scream at the top of my lungs to get my point across.

• If we're basically confined to the house for the week, my kids don't bathe the whole week because I don't feel like dealing with it. They change their clothes and undies on their own, so that's a plus!

• Sometimes, okay... a lot of the time lately... I'll just tell my 5 year old to feed herself and her 3 year old sister. She can make peanut butter sandwiches, microwave chicken nuggets... or they can get into the dry cereals and pop tarts. ...this is mainly because I want to nap, I'm watching something. Or I just really don't feel like getting up.

• I have three kids. My girls are 5 and 3. My son is 8 months old. My husband and I will have our 5 year old watch the baby (while he's in the playpen asleep or awake) and we will run off upstairs to have sex. (; ...Usually, by the time we go to bed, its 1 or 2 in the morning and I'm too exhausted for any adult playtime.

• I'll be downstairs, and I will call for my 5 year old who is upstairs in her room... she will come downstairs, then I'll ask her to get me a drink or to get my cellphone charger from upstairs. I'm more of a child than she is on these days. Ha!

• This may be a bad one... Sometimes, I've just completely had it with my girls (5 and 3) and their attitudes, and around bedtime it's a lot worse. They'll use the restroom... then want to brush their teeth and wash their hands... They take forever, so I tell them to just go to bed and forget about brushing their teeth or washing their hands... and I tell them they can do it in the morning when they wake up. Ooops.

• I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old. I am also a smoker. Sometimes when I am at my wits end... I put the baby in her bouncer or swing and have my almost three year old sit there and talk and play with the baby so I can go outside and smoke. My hubby freaks out but my older one is an amazing sister and doesn't try to pick up the baby or anything. She just makes funny faces and weird noises at the baby so she laughs until she hiccups. It's cute, they bond, mommy gets her cig. 

• When my daughter was about 4 months old she got a stomach virus her doctor told me she could send me home with meds or we could admit her to the hospital. I choose the hospital because it would give me a reason to call of work.

While some of these confessions may seem just plain wrong to you, I want you to think of something. Have you ever just snapped at your child? How about yanked a plate of food away and replaced a whole, perfectly good meal for a child who was simply picky? Swatted a hand? Just leaned back in your chair and groaned because damn it, bed time isn’t here yet.

How many of you would gladly admit the things you do that you don’t want others to know?

Probably not as many.

I commend these moms for their bravery in being bluntly honest and just confessing the things that so many would judge for. We’ve all had those days, and some people don’t have the luxury of having help to take care of the kids so mom can get some sleep.

Ladies, and Dads, start lifting each other up. Stop judging about decisions a family makes that doesn't effect your family, and instead, support each other. You'll win over far more people with sugar than molasses.

Nurture Vox Box item review!!

FINALLY getting my review blog up from my Nurture Vox box! I received ALL these items free of charge, but my opinions are my own.

I loved this box, but was only so-so when it came to being impressed by the items in it. Some were hits, others were misses. So without further ado… here’s the Nurture Vox Box!

Red Vines Candy

• I really wasn’t impressed with this product… it had a minty aftertaste that I did not enjoy, however, that being said, my 3 year old liked it a lot so… that’s a plus. She’s currently finishing off the pack, but I’ll stick to Twizzlers myself. 

Dramamine

• LOVED this. It worked better than regular Dramamine, which is saying something because I’ve used that for years. I get horribly motion sick, so long trips, like taking Chloe to the Dr, those killed me… but the drive was actually pleasant and not nauseating. Yay all natural Dramamine. Oh, and no fatigue from the Dramamine! That’s a big plus!

Uncle Ben’s Rice

• We buy it every week now… that should tell you something. It’s rich, delicious, and doesn’t come out gritty like so many other rice dishes. The long grain rice is delicious and adds an extra healthy perk to the meal. We love it. 

Hada Labo Mask

• It’s relaxing and made my face feel soft! Smelled good too! Sadly that’s all I really have to say about it. It’s a mask, it did what a mask is supposed to do. It’s really not much better or worse than the cheaper brands I use.

Attitude Shampoo

• We all love this! We got the version for kids, but the whole house uses it! It’s not too harsh on hair, leaves it feeling clean, but still leaves some moisture! And it smells good and doesn’t burn the eyes, so, this is a must have! Best thing we got in the box!

Skin Fix Diaper Cream

• It works, but it smells really gross to us. The smell was a huge turn off from using it. It did clear up Chloe’s butt in less than 3 hours, but honestly… Desitin smells better and layers on more thickly than this does.

Ore Ida Fries

• Again, they were ok. Not perfection in a box, but these were microwave fries. My kids prefer homemade. I tried them, they were mostly ok, some were really crunchy, some were mush. 

Blue Australian Sunscreen

• Worked alright I suppose. Left a slightly greasy feeling behind, and I was really hoping it wouldn't do that. It'll get tested more in a week and a half, but from what I've seen... it's no better than the store brand. 

In over my head…

Last month, my other half and I found out that our daughter, who we suspected had health issues, was worse off than we had initially thought. We’re actually still on the road to answers, but so far, we’ve found out that she has an immune deficiency, severe allergies to some foods and some animal dander (dog, specifically), and a heart murmur, which is functional.

This last weekend, we also discovered she’s having seizures. They called them Focal Seizures, and for her, they seem to occur mostly when waking, and generally, it’s shaking/convulsions, spacing out, and loss of hand-eye coordination and control. We rushed her to the ER when it was so bad that she couldn’t even lift a banana to her mouth without shaking and missing, and was falling over because her arm buckled under her.

We’re exhausted, all of us. Her big sister is worried but also doesn’t fully understand. She wants to play more with her, but she can’t. She wants to know why her baby sister can’t have any milk, or pickles, watermelon, etc. Why we can’t bring those foods in the house anymore, and why she has to wash everything after eating them elsewhere.

How do you explain to a 3 year old that her sister just can’t have them and make them understand it?

She has to see so many specialists that my head is reeling. Immunologist, Cardiologist, and now possibly a Neurologist for her seizures and G.I. Specialist for her lactose intolerance.

And on top of all of this, I’m in the middle of my Spring semester of University, for my Teaching license, a Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education. I’m overwhelmed. I feel like my head is going to explode with all the possible disorders that I’m having to learn about, and all of the things I have to tell new doctors when she has to go to an ER. My day to day life is me juggling nebulizer treatments, disinfecting the house, double the daily cleaning since she can’t be exposed to allergens, disinfecting her toys, spraying her bed and toys with allergen reducer, doctor’s appointments, and finding a way to study. Hell, that’s why I’m awake right now… I was studying and doing homework and couldn’t sleep after.

And through all of this… all we want are some answers. We just want to get her on a treatment that will do more permanent good.

We believe in vaccinations… well, her previous vaccines may not have even done her any good. Future ones could cause reactions, so we have no idea if they can be given to her. And now we have to worry about measles, what with all the recent outbreaks.

I’m keeping up hope that things will get better. I keep making things more and more orderly, more clean, more sanitary, but it feels like a losing battle most days.

I’m lost, in so many ways. No one wants their child sick, it’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

I’m angry at her old pediatrician for ignoring me and not listening when I told her that my baby was sick

constantly, and delaying a diagnosis for months. I’m furious that she missed a heart murmur for 10 months. I want to go scream in her face, but that would solve nothing.

And all I can do is trudge on.

We have much more of a story to tell… Both my kids are strong. 

imPress nails: I’m not impressed…

Well, I decided since I hadn’t done it yet, to test my imPress nails from my UniVoxBox.

Needless to say… I’m not impressed.

During application, the pros were that they were initially easy to apply, stick fast, feel semi-sturdy, and look professional. But that’s where the pros end. The tabs on the back were a pain to pull off. They were tough to apply once a few of the nails are on. Many of them are too long, once I found ones that matched my nail size. They fit awkwardly on my nails, and to be honest, I REALLY hated not being able to cut them to the size I personally like for my nails.

I opted, at that point, to test them under real-life circumstances. Started out with the dishes. They did not hold up well… Most of the nails made it through, 9 out of 10 of them did, but the water severely  loosened the glue. The right index finger popped off. Nails felt flimsy while washing dishes, like they would come off anytime. They were also uncomfortable.

After that, BOTH thumbs popped off while I was using the restroom and then undressing for my bath. While typing this, the right ring finger came off while fixing my hair for said bath, and the left ring finger was hanging on by a thread post-bath, as was the left pinky finger and right middle finger.

While typing this, the left pinky fully came off.

I was left with this… One lone middle finger with a nail on it.

 

Yeah, one nail. So, you can guess, out of 10, what my rating is, since I usually rate out of 10?

One out of 10. Has to last more than 2 hours under normal mommy circumstances for me to say differently, sorry. 

NYC Expert Last Lipcolor and Stay Matte Foundation makeup look!

I’m finally getting around to making a nice look for this NYC lip color and the Stay Matte Foundation I got from Influenster over a month ago. What can I say, I’ve been busy. Anywho, I’m going to tell you how to get from point A, no makeup, to point B, the finished look.

11)      Start with fresh, clean skin. I like to use an exfoliating wipe personally. I also use some makeupo remover to get any old eyeliner that may be stubbornly clinging to me, off.

22)      Apply the Stay Matte foundation to the face as needed. I do under the eyes, on the cheeks lightly, and on my nose and chin.

33)      I use a white powder eyeshadow, a loose powder with glittery flecks in it, for the eyeshadow. I find spring looks do best with light shades.

44)      Line the upper lashes, and then the waterline, with a black eyeliner. Smudge to make less dramatic, leave as it is for a sharper look.

55)      Apply mascara, I’m a fan of Rimmel Scandelash.

66)      Apply lipstick, I have the bright pink NYC Expert Last lip color on.

77)      Done. Enjoy!

Child Harnesses: Good or Bad? Or No-one Else's Business?

So, today I was out at our local mall with Mike and the kids, we were just out to walk because, to be honest, our mall sucks, has chased out half the stores that were in it, and there’s nothing to do. While out, I noticed a mom and her, probably 18 month old at the most, daughter out for a walk as well. The mom had her child on a harness, and they were content, the daughter stayed near the mom, no one was upset or fussing, no one was harmed.

And then this old lady walked by and shot this woman a snide, snooty look. And I could not for the life of me figure out why initially… could it be because the mom is in a t-shirt or something? No, because then I’d have gotten a look too, and when she looked to me and Mike and the kids, she smiled as broad as you could. Maybe her lack of a man with her, some people are like that around here? No, because her wedding band was on her finger in plain sight. I was stumped. Then I figured it out when I heard this lady say to her friend “… just like a puppy.”  

Not Child Abuse

She was being judged for her harness.

Now, before you ask, no I didn’t get in this old woman’s face and say something, because I had the kids with me, and to be honest she was so far off when I overheard that snippet that it wasn’t worth it, besides the woman didn’t even seem to notice or care what the lady had said or how she had looked at her.

That said… I don’t get the judgment at ALL. She wasn’t doing something evil or mistreating her kid, she had the child in a safety harness. That’s nowhere near hurting her kid. And yet, all around, parents are being judgmental or holier-than-thou, all because of one of those pesky parenting choices that they don’t agree with.

Shame on these people for having a parenting preference and doing things differently than others!

I mean come on. It’s a harness, not a shock collar. It’s not going to hurt the child to be on a harness, in fact, in busy areas, it can be a blessing.

I bought one of those for the older munchkin when she was learning to walk. She was EXTREMELY independent and wanted nothing more than to get into everything. This was fine in our small town, I held her hand everywhere we went. But we decided to take a trip, around 18 months of age, to an amusement park, Busch Gardens Williamsburg to be exact. Now, my 18 month old looked like she was 3. She was and still is VERY tall for her age. She wears a 4T or 5T from the toddler department or a XS or S from the girls department, for her height, for an example. And I fully intended to hold her hand through that park.

Still not Child Abuse

But, in case some jerk got the idea to try and kidnap my kid… I wanted an extra line of defense. I wanted her attached to me by more than a single hand. So, we harnessed her through the park. And you’d have never known it unless you watched us remove her harness to get on rides. It was a lion, looked like a backpack. And it made me feel safer being out around so many strange people with my baby.

Did we need it? Who knows, maybe it deterred some sicko from grabbing my kid from me. But it made me feel better.

I haven’t used it since then. It’s literally put away until we possibly need it this summer if we go back to the amusement park. But it has its benefits for people. It can help give an independent child some freedom, it can add a safety measure in crowds, it can help when the mom has her hands full or has more than one kid, or forgot the stroller, or SO many things. I have never seen one of those things and thought, oh man that mom is LAZY! Not even before getting one for DD to use the one time did I think that.

So why is it that so many people jump to conclusions about that? All I think is, what a cute harness, and the kid is so adorable! And a responsible parent too, keeping their child safe! It’s great to see people doing what works for them!

 

Maybe... Nope. Still not Child Abuse.

So why judge? Why can’t we, as parents, just let people do what works for them?

I challenge you to look beyond the arguments of ‘it looks like a dog leash’ or ‘it’s lazy parenting’, and see it as it really is… a parenting choice different than one you may use. I challenge you to look beyond the stigma of this item, and to instead of throw a look at a parent with her hands full and a child on a harness, smile and offer a kind word of encouragement. Because that’s what we should be doing anyhow. As long as that child is not being beaten or abused in some other way or isn’t running rampant, the parent’s choices are not your concern.

What do you think? Can you look past the stigma of harnesses? Did you harness your little one?