Bittersweet Holidays

The holday season. A time of wonder, delight, and sometimes sadness.

That's what we felt, the day before Christmas Eve. Chloe had her appointment with the Developmental Pediatrician finally. We rode with my grandmother, who insisted on riding with us since the other half couldn't go. (Cue my life flashing before my eyes a few times... she's a terrifying driver...) We ended up about 10 minutes late, but I got us checked in on time.

Long story short, after a long discussion, my baby was finally given the other diagnosis... she has Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, Language Disorder, and he said that she is heavily likely to be diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4.

I don't think I've had a blow that bad since we started trying to work out what was going on with her...

It explains it all, though... every detail can be explained with the diagnosis set she has been given. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

Both of us needed a mourning period, so to speak... this was the diagnosis that we were expecting, but not what we had hoped. That said, once we got a chance to talk, after he got off work... It's not like we feel any differently about our Chloe-bear, mind you... it's just a lot to take in. You have to understand, it's the realization that, depending on how she does later on, she may not go to college... she may be in special education her whole time in school, she may never have a true career, move out of the house... it will all depend on how she develops the next few years. And that's what scares us the most, we have no idea what we're getting into long-term. That takes time to understand, even as her parents. But, we came up with a tentative game plan, we're figuring out the therapies we need to get her into, and making sure she will continue what she already has. We will give her the best chance she can get, no matter what we have to sacrifice.

But, the news did make the holidays start out on a bittersweet note.

We trudged through Christmas Eve, went to see family and have dinner that evening. I watched a movie that I will begrudgingly admit was pretty funny... I suppose I have to let Mike have a win for that one... National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, I can say, albeit a bit hesitatingly, really was amusing.

Christmas Morning hit, and we all got up around 7am and began the day. Kids got their Santa gifts, and I gave Mike the cologne and cookies I had been able to afford, even though I felt bad it wasn't more. He was making me wait for my gift though.

When we got to my grandmother's, I figured out why.

He told me to open it, and initially, I had no idea he was filming me. He had wrapped a bunch of junk in a Christmas Light box. I thought I was being trolled, honestly, and I was laughing. I found one box, and thought it was a necklace. Nope, thumb tacks. Cue me chucking the box at him and snickering.

I pulled all of the stuff out, and an earring sized box fell out. I figured, ok... earrings then.

Needless to say, it was not earrings. And I cried my eyes out. After almost 6 years and two gorgeous daughters, I'm engaged to the man I saw myself marrying in high school. We're tentatively thinking of having a ceremony around April of 2017. I'll be setting up a savings account for the wedding, so that we will have a budget in concrete, but you know what this means?? That's right... expect to see wedding planning stuff on this blog now.

As we move on to the New Year, we're doubly dedicated to what our girls need and making their life better. We're planning our trip for Disney in a couple of months, during my Spring Break, and I am absolutely excited about that. Our girls deserve a nice trip, and we can go on a budget. Disney seems to get more affordable if you stay at the resort.

Anyhow, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year!! The munchkins and I will be back in January of 2016!!

Let's Play Catch Up!

Man oh man, it’s been a while, and I’m sorry about that. I’ve been swamped!

Let’s play catch up! We’re going to do a Chloe AND Rayne update that goes all the way back to October.

So, yeah Halloween. We had a freaking blast! Mike and I decided to do Batman and Harley Quinn, and the kids were Anna and Elsa!

 

And did I mention the 23 lbs of candy? Because… 23 lbs of candy.

November, mostly uneventful. Happy late Turkey day, by the way. Unfortunately November and Early December are my busiest times, hence why no new updates. But we had a few things.

First off, Chloe got a diagnosis, finally. She is definitely IGA deficient. All of their tests showed unreadable levels of IGA in her blood, meaning she has none. Makes sense, when you think about it, and fits everything. I’m just glad that almost a year later, we finally have an answer.

However, the downside is that sometimes, kids with IGA deficiency and ending up on the Autism spectrum go hand in hand. She’s being tested for that this month. That, also, makes sense… she has begun a lot of behaviors typical of a child who has Autism, specifically what used to be known as Asperger’s. She lines up toys, flaps her hands when over excited or stressed, rocks obsessively in her father’s or my grandfather’s rocking chair, doesn’t sleep well, and has sensory issues, such as texture problems with soft, mushy foods (she chokes on them) and issues with things like water touching her head (Bathtimes are no Bueno once we get to the hair…). She is in therapy though, so we’re hoping to get better as time goes on.

Rayne on the other hand has been in school, and has been hell on wheels. I hate that school… she is picking up some poor habits from her classmates… And her behavior has suffered for it. Maybe part of it is the age, but my little girl has become a complete sass mouth these last few months, and I do not like it.

That said, the last five weeks have been hell in their own right.

Chloe has been sick again. What was a cold, is now close to pneumonia. And I’ve taken her to the Dr. for it about 4 times… only after the last visit to a new pediatrician (her old pedi is closing her doors) did we get some relief in the form of Bromfed and Clairithromycin. You see, her old Dr., love her to death, was not a believer in medicines for children… so Chloe was just suffering through these viruses… and while I see her point, I was also tired of my baby suffering… and this time, she needed the meds that her other Dr. was simply not prescribing. Clairithromycin is an antibiotic that is so strong, it’s commonly used for Cystic Fibrosis and AIDS/HIV patients to fight off infections and keep them from getting pneumonia. It’s stronger than Azythromycin, Amoxicillin, and Cefdinir, all of which she is becoming resistant to. And the Bromfed is actually to dry up the mucus, because apparently her IGA deficiency also causes abnormal mucus production in her nasal passages.

Luckily, she is now perking up, but she was very close to a hospital stay. And that would be the second time in a month that she almost ended up there, because 2 weeks ago, she had a stomach flu so bad she was puking and had diarrhea for 48 hours and refused to eat or drink, and was throwing up water. She ended up in the Danville ER, passing out in my arms, and they told me it would be ‘a while’ before they got to her… aka, a 10 hour wait. I grabbed her, and my other half and I rushed her to South Boston/Halifax. It’s bad when the best care is 30 minutes in ANY direction away from the hospital that is literally 2 minutes down the road from me…  Rayne had the same thing at the same time as Chloe, so she was puking up her guts at the same time, but nowhere near as severe.

Chloe needed fluids that day in the hospital, and meds.

I AM planning to get back into this while on my winter break from classes! So expect some updates for the next month! I need to do this and get back to writing my fanfiction!! (Don't judge, I like to write.)

I’ll update on how Chloe’s doing soon! In the meantime… stay awesome, people! 

Why the Mommy Wars are STUPID!

*Note, this does not include things that have been proven to be beneficial in one way and has no real refuting research claiming otherwise, such as rear-facing, which could save a life. Please, if you front face before age1 (legal age in many states) or 2 (RECOMMENDED age to Front face), look up internal decapitation… it can happen in an accident. Rear facing can save a child’s life. *

As all moms have experienced, everything we do is under a microscope. People without kids think we can do things differently or that their kids will NEVER do that, people who have special needs kids are judged by parents of non-special needs kids because they need to ‘control their kids’, but on the other hand, a mom who disciplines in a way that another mother disagrees with is judged for ‘hurting their kids emotionally”… it’s ridiculous. We’re mothers, and we are the most judgmental of the groups who judge mothers.

Why?

To make ourselves feel better? “Oh my god, look at her… I don’t do that, and my kids are so much better for it!” If you need to put someone down to give your own ego a boost, that’s pretty bad. And we’re judged from both sides, so no matter what you choose, you’re considered by SOMEONE to be wrong.

- It doesn’t matter HOW the baby is fed, just that it is fed!

Seriously, why does it matter HOW the baby is fed? Breast milk is wonderful, but it’s also not your boobs and not your choice to make for someone else’s kid. Yeah, there are options. You could get milk from a bank, sure. What if they… dun dun dun… don’t WANT to? Oh my GOD, that’s horrible! How can they give a baby formula?? It’s like… poison! Even though it doesn’t harm babies at all, it’s still poison because it’s not ORGANIC and doesn’t come from a breast!!! On the other hand… who wants to see a tit out all day? Cover that up! Go sit in the bathroom to feed! Your kid doesn’t like a cover? Then make a bottle and shut up!

…No. It shouldn’t matter. Feed your child in whatever way you can, whatever way you can afford to, and however keeps your baby full, growing, healthy, and happy.

- Vaccination and Circumcision are personal medical choices that parents have to make!

How can you pump toxins into your baby??
Well, how can you NOT protect your child against various debilitating diseases??

You cut your son’s penis because your pedi told you it was better? Do some research.

You left your son intact?? It’s nowhere near as clean as having him circumcised.

Both sides : DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!

However, there’s really good research for BOTH sides of the argument here. There’s also very biased research for both sides, and for some, it’s tough to sift through the trash and find the diamonds in the rough. This is a medical choice that a family has to make, and their decision does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. Does them vaccinating or circumcising their child affect you, 100 miles away, person online that will never meet this other mom? No. Do I agree with some of it? No, but I make sure my kids are medically cared for in a way I deem appropriate, and then I move on.

- Cloth or Pampers, all diapers are there to do is to catch poop and pee!

Seriously… why does it matter what someone uses to catch their child’s waste in? Some people hold their kids over a toilet and go by cues when the kid needs to potty… No, seriously… look it up. It’s called Elimination Communication. Anyhow, yeah, I mean cloth is better for the environment, but cloth diapering moms, you had better be recycling everything, driving an electric car, and for that matter, not even washing clothes with regular dish soap. If not, you could be damaging the environment. And you have no idea if that mom using pampers is actually recycling or what is going on in their personal life. It’s not on your baby’s butt. So butt out.

- Stay at Home or Work, As long as bills are paid, who cares!

Both sides have advantages. Stay at home moms are there, all the time, and are watching their children grow and helping them learn regularly. They’re going to parks, malls, and other activities with their kids. That said, Working moms are bringing in money, get a small break from the monotony, and spending quality time with their kids when they get home. Why does it matter who is watching the children, as long as they are safely being monitored? They’re in daycare? Ok, and that is your business why?

“Well they put it on the internet, that makes it everyone’s business!”

No. It being on the internet does not mean it affects you or is your business in any way.

- Sleep Training : Not your problem to worry about!

Cry it out, or attachment? While there are studies on both, go on and do your research, and then if you feel the need… share. And you know what you do then? You let them do what they deem necessary. Another mom’s sleep training habits do not affect you.

- Co-Sleeping or a Crib… does it matter?

Again… where that child sleeps at night does not affect you in any way. If they’re in a crib, they have risks. There are also risks when you Co-sleep. While it is great to be concerned for someone else’s child and have empathy for them, but to be a sanctimommy on social media because someone raises their child differently than you do, is ridiculous.

- Epidural or Natural… when it comes from between your legs, you can decide.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Who wants to drug up their baby, all natural is the way to go. But, what if they can’t handle the pain?

“Shouldn’t have gotten knocked up, if you can’t handle childbirth!”

…

First off… no. You don’t get to tell someone what they can or cannot do with their own body. Second, if you haven’t given birth, you have no business saying anything. Third, if you HAVE given birth, kudos to you if you managed to go drug-free. But others cannot handle that and that is OK. Don’t worry about how someone else decides to push their crotch-fruit from their womb. Worry about your own labor. You go ahead and use your zen candles. Let them have their epidural in peace.

- C-section or Vaginal: As long as the baby is born healthy, why does it matter?

Don’t get me started here…

“C-section moms aren’t REAL moms because they didn’t actually give birth!”

“C-section moms took the easy way out!”

“C-section moms are lazy! Give birth the way you were meant to!”

“C-section moms are overbearing, having to plan every detail all the way down to the birth day!”

Blah blah blah.

C-sections are not easy, fyi. They are far from it. It’s someone strapping you to a table like you’re Christ himself on the cross, and slicing you open like a turkey. It’s a needle being shoved into your spine and left there to help numb you. It’s being awake through major surgery while someone plays Operation with your guts and moves them around. It’s being so groggy after that you may not be able to bond right away with baby. It’s possibly being unable and not allowed to hold your baby after birth. It’s terror as you feel someone’s hands in your stomach and intestinal area, praying the numbing blockers don’t wear off mid-surgery. It’s only being allowed one family member in the operating theater. It’s not getting to have the Vaginal birth you may have wanted. It’s having to walk with a pillow shoved to your stomach for up to 3 weeks after birth, depending on how you heal. It’s a potential infection and future pain. It’s a difficulty in doing things with your child for weeks later.

It’s not lazy, easy, or wrong. Sometimes it is the only way.

As for the real moms comment… Anyone who has a child in any way is a real mom. You don’t dictate who is or is not a ‘REAL’ mom based on your meager expectations of ‘real mothers’.

- Discipline: You handle your kid, let other moms worry about theirs!

“That mom is shouting at her kid!”

“She spanked her child! Oh my GOD!”

“She just put that child in time out? For shame, that poor kid!”

“She’s embarrassing that child in front of their friends, the poor thing…”

“She’s not doing anything? What a lazy woman, raising little brats.”

The point? No matter WHAT you do, someone’s going to judge. So just do what feels right for your family, and don’t worry what the mom who disagrees with your choices does for theirs. 

Count this as an RSVP, we WILL be there! 6 reasons we WILL make your event!

Yesterday, I came across a post titled '6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won't Make Your Event, and Why We Don't Want You to Take it Personal...' While reading it through, I was battling a headache that came to a peak last night and turned into a full blown, category 5 hurricane Migraine with little tropical storm bursts of nausea. Fun fun. I was also making plans for the next day... clean the house on my day off from school... get my homework done... get the big little to school, and monitor the littlest little's rash... color a friend's hair and help her trim her infant's nails since it makes her nervous... will I head to the store? Who knows. 

Anyhow, it got me thinking... we've attended a lot of events over the past few years... weddings, baby showers, dinners, graduations, senior pinnings, and more. I can't fathom using my kids as a never ending excuse as to why both of us cannot attend, or even one of us. It blows my mind... We have to teach them to act at these events, or they will not know what behaviors are expected of them. It's why we take them out to eat when we can. Anyhow, we always take them to events when we can. Our friends have never had an issue with it, and while illnesses do come up, with the littlest little's immune deficiency, we still make it so that ONE person, generally, will attend if at all possible. Why? Because you put too much time and money into your event for us to dip out last minute. It's even worse when we RSVP. 

RSVP's are your guarantee that, as long as no one is deathly ill, you will be there. You do not send it in if you think you may flake out. The person throwing the event is dishing out serious money to provide food for you, in the case of an RSVP, or is reserving you a space that they are paying for. (Sometimes you will have to pay your own meal) If someone is asking for an RSVP so they know what they will need to purchase, for, say, a wedding... you do not dip out because you don't feel like dealing with the random crap that comes up with being an adult, or because you wanna be a 2 year old and say "But I don't wanna!" You suck it up and go, because you have already put down that you will be there. Don't be rude, or a douche bag, and yes, this makes you a douche bag. Kids or not. If someone is forking money for you to attend and you dip out last minute, then you're a douche. 

My big little dancing with her Aunt Taylor at her wedding.
 Proof that kids can do events too. 

So, here are my rebuttals to the arguments in the blog above. 

  1 -      WE HAVE KIDS! So, they will want to see you, and since they need to learn acceptable behaviors in public places, they will also be attending as long as you are alright with that. Oh, and don’t worry about random things that happen… aside from illnesses, which we don’t want to spread and don’t want the littles to catch, a blow-out diaper can be changed, clothes can be changed and washed, and entertainment items can be brought for the littles. We can even manage to keep the littlest little occupied after a nap gone awry and keep her from whining the whole time, generally speaking. It’s amazing what some attention and a coloring book or a snack can do for a whiny child.

  2 -      We are TIRED!!! However, this is not your problem, and we should not miss a big event in your life because we don’t want to be adults today. We can take some vitamin B12, chug a Monster or a coffee, and we can attend, at least for a short while. We feel as though your company is more important than Netflix and Chill. Even though we are very busy with two kids, one who is special needs in multiple departments and one in pre-k, after school events for the bigger little, University for me, and full time work for him, plus general housekeeping, we will still bite the bullet and support you or spend time with you, because you are important to us.

  3 -      We DON”T HAVE A BABYSITTER!! That means that the littles will be there as well, and if that’s ok with you, that is ok with us. We, again, use events like these to teach our kids how to behave. We don’t do house parties, clubbing, or things like that, so if that’s what your event is, then we will respectfully decline, but only because we do not personally go to those anymore. We’re grown adults with responsibilities, and we can’t be out all night, and we don’t even drink anymore. We’re lame, you don’t want us at your party, lol. That said, any other event that kids can attend, like, say, a dinner, well… if you are good with it, so are we. The littles would love to see you! 

  4 -      If ONE of us can’t attend… then the other will attend. I mean, we’re not Siamese twins, we’re not super glued together. One of us will be glad to support you in the event we both cannot. It makes us no less of a pair, or a team, but it means that every once in a while we can peel apart the PB&J sandwich and be a PB or a J sandwich without it being the end of the world. The one who does attend will give you lots of love from the one who cannot be there, and will probably head home early to assist the other one who is not there, but someone will be there. We may even split the littles up and one will be home, while the other comes to wish you well with your life event!!

  5 -      We actually DO have a FINANCIAL BUDGET and RESPONSIBILITIES!!! That said, if we know in advance, throwing 10 bucks aside every week to save up is not tough. We can do it for things we want to do, like trips to AwesomeCon, so we can do it for you, our friend. We love you and we will do all in our power to put aside the amount that we would spend on coffee or work lunch or some other thing we spend our spare cash on, and will get our needs, and then we will do all we can to be there. 

  6 -      WE JUST DON’T WANT TO GO! That said, as adults, we have things we don’t feel like doing every day. It’s time to pull the big girl panties up and be a grown up, and show some support for you, because you do the same for us. We can spend time together during and after the event, it’s not like you’re separating us in different rooms and saying “NO, you stay away from each other!”. You want us there together. You care enough about our family to invite us all, including the littles. We will reciprocate that love and be there. 

   Look, sometimes things DO happen. Stuff comes up. I get that. I've had it happen, as I said I have a special needs kid, trust me it happens. That said, I also know that by RSVPing I have said I will attend. My kids do not give me special rights to dip out last minute and not look like a pretentious douche. As a parent, I work around my kids. I bring them with me. I ask one of the 2 or 3 people I trust on the regular to watch my kids, if they can. If not, then Mike will go without me, or I will go without him. It's not hard. It's part of being a parent, and it's part of being an adult. Which is something more people should try sometimes.

Original Blog : 6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…

Why staying educated on your child's health is important.

Long time, no blog…at least for me that’s how it feels. I’ve been super busy with school and the kids and doing some fun things with them.

Anyhow, this is a good and a bad blog entry.

We have a diagnosis. A tentative one, at least… One that is being 100% verified and retested in October, but still, a diagnosis.

After almost a full year of testing, blood draws, and pretty much torture… after a year and a half of constantly being sick… after a surgery to help her with ear infections and the speech delay that has accompanied them… we now know something.

Getting ready for her surgery

Chloe has a Selective IGA Deficiency.

My last entry, or one of the last ones I’ve done, I mentioned having Chloe at the Dr. again, which is not a big deal because she’s in and out of ERs and Dr. offices… However, during that visit, we did a blood draw. That blood draw was the missing puzzle piece, so to speak. Her IGA levels were in the toilet. The test does not give you a definitive number below 7, due to how hard it is to read, right? Well her levels were 5. Anything under 20 is a deficiency. Anything 7 or under is considered to be SIGAD. Basically, her first part of her immune system, the part that stops her from being sick, is pretty much non-existent. Hence why she has always been sick, and why she has had so many ear and respiratory infections, and her asthma and allergies, and even her tummy issues. It’s all linked to this immunodeficiency.

There is no real treatment.

There is no cure.

It is a forever diagnosis.

 

She cannot have blood transfusions unless it has been washed of its IGA. She will have to be monitored, because this deficiency can later lead into lupus and leukemia and a slew of other immunoglobulin and blood disorders. She needs a medical alert bracelet. She is higher risk of pneumonia, and her live-virus vaccines will make her sick, as her body attacks them full force.

But, it is manageable.

We can do what we have been doing to manage this. We were told that the fact that she has not had pneumonia at this point in her life yet is a testament to how on top of things we have been. She cannot have more live-virus vaccines, but her dead virus vaccines she is more than able to have, and are in fact her friend. She can still do fun things, she just needs to be sanitized some while she’s riding rides and things of that nature.

She can go to school later on in her life, but she will be sick more than other kids.

Yes, she has a harness, and before anyone asks, it's because she's still having
communication issues. She still holds hands, but it's an extra line
of defense. No, I didn't ask for your opinion on harnesses, thanks.

And I have to admit, while knowing it’s permanent with no real treatment scares and hurts me as a mother, at least we know what we’re dealing with. Her language skills are improving every day, and she’s hopefully going to catch up in her self-help skills soon.

And she is, despite the hell her body is going through, happy.

Kids like her are the ones I feel the worst for… the ones with an invisible illness. The ones who get written off by people who are not around her all the time, who are told , “it’s no big deal” or “you’ll get better!” . No… please don’t tell my child she will get better. Don’t tell her you will pray and God will heal her. Don’t tell her that if she prays hard enough or eats better that she will be better at some point… because that’s not how her illness works. And you are not the one who will deal with her disappointment when she is old enough to realize that she is not getting better no matter what she does.

This is not a face I like seeing people...
Don't make her make this face, please.

And to any mothers who think something is wrong with their child in their gut and is being written off… don’t let anyone write you off. Push the issue. Push the doctors. If I had listened to my first pediatrician, I would have no idea what’s wrong with my child right now. If I had listened to the first two immunologists, I wouldn’t have a diagnosis. All it took was one Immunoglobulin count to not be run… IGG, IGM, and IGE were all run and normal, so no one checked her IGA. That is actually common for her disorder, all other counts are usually normal except for that one, the IGA.

Oh and the kicker? It’s mostly considered a boy’s disorder. So while SIGAD is the more common of the immunodeficiencies, it is far rarer for girls to get it rather than boys. Note, I said rare. Not impossible. So while she is a rarity... it should not have been 100% overlooked like it was. No excuses. 

Anyhow, parents everywhere, if you ever see this post, what I want you to take away from it is not that you should not trust doctors… but that you should be diligent. You should do your own research and trust your gut if something feels truly off. You should take a very active role in your child’s health and well-being and not blindly follow the advice of physicians… remember, some physicians have not researched or looked up new studies in years. Before you do something that can make your child have later consequences, such as giving solids without a medical reason before 4-6 months… do your own research.

The phrase, “But my pedi said it’s ok!” should not be enough for you. You have all the information in the world at your fingertips, all you have to do is want to learn and be open to new info, and be open to making a decision that does not line up with your medical professional. You're the parent. It's your call. 

Today, My Baby Told Me Something...

I thought this was going to be a more somber entry, but, to be hones; it’s one of the better ones!

Today was the hardest day of my life so far… it was the day I handed my sedated child over to a nurse and had to walk away and take her fate, so to speak, out of my hands, allow someone to put her to sleep, and then cut into her to help her to not be in pain all of the time. I had to allow someone to cause her pain to stop her pain.

We got up at 4am, and told our oldest goodbye, that we would see her after school. Got ready to go, and then got the baby in the car and headed 40 minutes away to Martinsville, VA. We had done pre-op last week, so all we had to do is check in and wait. This was all the easy part… waiting in the room was the part where we could play a bit more, we could let her run a bit in her pink Minnie mouse socks and turtles jammies.

6:15 hit, and they brought us back to get her ready. It was a lot of waiting, and taking vitals… making sure that her allergies and her heart murmur were noted on their notes, and that they knew to watch and see if she had any reactions to the medications. She was attached to wired and a cuff, and she was not happy because she couldn’t be active. She was given a coloring book and crayons, to help pass the time.

And then 7:00 hit. She was given a medication cocktail of Tylenol and what equals out to baby valium, to sedate her and keep her calm. Watching the light begin to dull in her eyes was hard as hell, but tolerable because I was still there, I wasn’t yanked away yet. By 7:20, it was time to say bye-bye for now.

They let us walk her all the way to the O.R. We cuddled her, took turns while we walked, then we handed her over. That part killed me inside… it sounds stupid too. It’s a simple procedure, the whole thing took 5 minutes, and recovery took 35 minutes… but every procedure has risks. I broke into tears as I handed her to the nurse and she looked at me with her dulled eyes. She looked like a baby doll with no life in her, like a robot. No soul in her eyes, just going through the motions.

My hubby and I held hands on the way back to her room. We both were crying, me more than him, but that’s how hard it was for us. You don’t think you will be torn up, you think that because it’s a basic procedure that it won’t bother you… it does.

She did well, though. She was back in a total of 40 minutes. They cut into her eardrum to insert tubes to help her hear.

She came out of recovery quickly, and after a half an hour recovering in the room where we had been before, she was discharged. She was a bit nauseated from the anesthesia and a bit grumpy, but that was to be expected. They told us she did super. 

On the way home

And the look on her face when we spoke to her for the first time after… her eyes widened and she just looked at us.

Suddenly, our baby could hear properly.

And she began trying to mimic us an hour after that. The few words she said before the surgery were almost crisp and clear, and she was attempting new words.

Today, my baby tried to tell me she loved me for the first time.

That alone made everything worth it.

So she is recovering at home, her ears are bugging her but we’re keeping her on her pain medicine to help with that, but all in all… it was all totally worth it. 

Going to SCHOOL! OMG!!!

I got to watch my big girl take a huge leap into an independent childhood this morning! And it was great!

My Rayne turned 4 about half a week ago, and with that came new things, good and bad…Her first blood draw, her first real eye exam, her 4^th birthday party, and of course, her first day of school. Not daycare school, which she’s used to, but big girl building, cafeteria, library, full on public school. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t nervous for her. She’s so outgoing, that some kids are put off by it… would she make friends? Would she get her feelings hurt? How could I help her when she’s all the way at school??

Or even worse… maybe this would be the start of her never needing me anymore. What if she doesn’t want me to do anything for her? What if she’ll be so happy to be away from us that she doesn’t want my help or to play with me at home?

Turns out, I had no need to really worry.

We got in the car about the same time as Daddy, and she was fidgety.

“Are you ok, baby?” I asked her with a smile.

“Uh huh.”

“Are you scared?”

“No mommy, I’m not scared.”

Oh. Well…

“Are you nervous or anxious?”

She tutted me, “No mommy, I’m excited!!”

Oh, well ok! We drive for another minute.

“Mommy… will you come in with me?”

“Of course , baby.” I smiled back at her.

I guess my baby will always need Mommy in some way, shape, or form. 

Oh, and for the record, she was good once we got there. And apparently she had a really good, exciting day, because she fell asleep for a nap about 15 minutes after getting home. 

Sometimes things are not perfect

You know, when you go into this parenting thing, you’re not expecting to have a child who has special needs of any kind. You think, oh, I’m pregnant! I’m going to have this big ball of perfect who will sleep all night, play with me, and love me unconditionally. Then the baby is born, and you think, Oh, ok so it’s not like I expected, but that’s ok! It’s not that tough! It’ll get better.

You don’t expect there to be any issues, you think your kid will grow, go to school, and not need anything to help with that. He or she will develop to be perfect all on their own.

Except, sometimes they don’t. Chloe is one of those cases.

Chloe is 17 months old as of this month. She is happy, playful, and energetic, and smart too. She is also speech delayed severely, has allergies, asthma, a heart murmur, a childhood immune deficiency, and chronic severe respiratory and ear infections. She will get better, but she is also behind.

You see, when Chloe was an infant, her respiratory infections caused ear infections. Her doctor never told me she was having these infections as bad as she was, and downplayed it. At 10 months old, when she was hospitalized for a stomach issue, we discovered a symptom to the immune issue. We changed doctors after another poor visit, and keep in mind, we had about 35+ visits to the same doctor in 10 months. This new doctor found the heart murmur (confirmed by cardiology), and she sent us where we needed to go… to specialists. After 8 months, we have some results. But now we have to fix the damage that not finding it for so long has caused.

Chloe at around 12 months. Cardiology Appt.

Breathing Treatments for asthma and allergies. 

Chloe hears things as if she is underwater half of the time, because she is. Her tubes in her ears are often filled with fluid. When you get an ear infection, the infection itself can go away in a week or so, but the fluid stays for up to 6 weeks. All those infections made her not hear things correctly. We noticed at 12 months old that she was behind, but we were in denial and kept hoping she would perk up. She would get better. For the record, please don’t tell someone who tells you that their kid has a problem that can affect them long term that their child will grow out of it… you are not a doctor, and that parent is often not looking for that response… they are informing you of their child’s health. Just an FYI from someone who has been there.

At around 11 months, during a hospital stay

At 15 months she was not better. She was mostly non-verbal, and knew one word: Daddy. It was time to see Early Intervention. Luckily, she qualified, and was quickly gotten set up with speech therapy. They will have their first official therapy session in 2 weeks.

Today, we had to go to the doctor’s office. 4 days ago I had to take Chloe to the urgent care for yet another ear infection. It sucked but, you know, you do what you have to do. You know you’re in the doctor’s office too much when all the staff knows you by name. She’d been on antibiotics for days at this point, so I figured she’d be a bit better.

Nope. So much nope.

You know, it really sucks to see your kid go through hell and not be able to help or really know what’s going on, or even be able to communicate with them…

Doctor checked her out, and her ears are highly severely infected. So her antibiotics have done nothing. Her eardrums are warped and her ear hairs have no movement to them, so there’s fluid in her ears, again, and it’s bad, again. She is in severe pain, and we never noticed because we thought it was another tantrum, that she was just cranky. Talk about feeling like shit. (For those of you who can communicate with your kids, please be so, so grateful you can actually do that…)

Us, today. Before I felt like crap because I found out she was still hurting...

Going out to places sucks, by the way, because of people who aren’t in our lives. We have to raise our voices a LOT to get Chloe to hear us and understand us, and we get looks like we are Satan incarnate because of it. Yet, if we allow her to tantrum and not correct her, we get those same looks. I hear myself constantly explaining to strangers who don’t matter that, “I’m sorry, she can’t hear us, we’re trying…” Traditional discipline does not work with her, because she cannot hear us properly to understand us. So, keep in mind when you see that kid throwing a tantrum in the mall, the mom raising her voice, the 6 year old in the stroller, the child on a harness… you do not know their life, or why that child is doing what they are doing. Special needs hides in children who do not look like they have special needs.

I mean, look at this kid. On the outside, you would never know she has any issues.

So now we’re waiting to see ENT (Ear Nose and Throat for those of you who are not specialist-slang savvy) to get a surgery date to put tubes in. Hopefully, even if it does not help with her speech, it WILL help with her pain. All I want is for her to not think that pain is normal…

I guess this turned into a rant and a bit of a preachy blog as well. Oh well. In all seriousness though… my kid is loved. She is perfect to me. She is also special needs. It makes her no less loved, it does not make her get away with murder, and it does not make her spoiled, entitled, bratty, obnoxious, or lacking of manners. It makes her need discipline that you may not understand, and a gentler hand to handle her tantrums, which come from a place of pure frustration and not being a brat. 

Momfessions: Confessions of Real Moms

First of all, welcome back to Mom to 2 Munchkins! Kinda got busy with school, and then other things related to the youngest's health, but we are back! Follow us on our vacations, trips to the doctor, specialists, and more. Get a glimpse into our day to day life, with a child who has special needs (man that is hard to say) and a preschooler (that's tough to say too) and a mom in college!

We all have some things we aren’t super proud of as parents. Be it a lack of healthy dessert options, spanking, not spanking, vaccinations both pro and con, what we feed them, how we handle the stress. But in the end, we’re all just trying our best to do the best we can. And we should be lifting each other up... educating on things that have factual research, but not being pushy, being polite, and helping one another. Instead, I see so much general animosity and hate...judgment against one another about things that really do not concern us in the slightest. Does it effect you if your neighbor's kids spend too much time on that darn game system? No, it's their kids.

Below are some anonymous confessions from real moms off an awesome facebook group called The Mommy Diaries. Despite the perfection we feel we have to display on the internet, these moms came out and were bluntly honest about the things they did that other may judge, or understand. They lift one another, and this group is literally one of the best mom groups I've seen on facebook.

Remember, as you read this… we’re all mothers, fathers, parents. We’ve all made mistakes or do things other parents would judge in a heartbeat. So, just keep that in mind… those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

• Sometimes I get so exhausted that I just turn the TV on and let the kids watch Dora so I can get just 10 minutes of peace and quiet.

• Every morning I do the same thing. My kids wake me up. I put the tv on for them in the living room and get each of them their bowls of cereal (they are almost 7 and 4 1/2) then I get my 15 month old out of her bed, change her and get her a bottle and a frozen waffle. I have a play yard in my living room. I put her in there. And then I go back to bed for 2 more hours. All 3 just watch tv and play and the baby is confined in the play yard and safe. My older kids come in and tell me if anything’s wrong but that almost never happens. I feel guilty I don’t get up with my kids. But I badly need the sleep. I normally go to bed at 12-2am and then I get up at 5am to get my boyfriend off to work so I can't fall back asleep till like 6am... So when they kids wake me up at 730am, I badly need those extra 2 hours. I normally get out of bed at 930ish.

• I got my almost 4 year old and 17 month old a bunk bed, and the oldest is on top, even though the warnings say not to get one until they're 6. We had no room and she climbs the ladder like a pro and sleeps like a log.  She hasn't fallen out of bed since she was 2.

• I don't feel guilty that my husband and I don't sleep in the same bed..... I co-sleep and my husband is not comfortable sleeping with our baby. We still get in plenty of intimate time so I don't feel bad for him.

• We've had ice cream for breakfast more than 5 times! Oops!

• I've let my oldest go to bed hungry. I am not a Burger King, you don't get it your way. She has only tried it twice.

• Once... or twice I didn't give the kiddos a bath because they were in the pool and I said good enough!

• I curse in my house... I don't curse AT my kids. I teach them which words are naughty and they are only allowed to say them when they are 18.

• I kept smelling poop one day. Found out my kid ninja pooped through my shirt to my bra, didn't even know she had pooped on me.

• One time when I took my bra off a binky fell out. A freaking binky.

• My 8 month old daughter LOVES South Park. One time, just so I could FINALLY finish the dishes and fold the last load of laundry, I put her in her bouncer and popped in a whole disk of it. 

• Sometimes I feel like a total mess and a failure as an adult, but as long as my little one is cared for and loved, I couldn't care any less about myself.

• I let my son watch The Waking Dead with me sometimes! He loves it and has never been scared of it. But I'm constantly told I'm a horrible parent because he's too young. He's 3. I only let him watch the ones I've already seen and I try to cover his eyes if a part gets too gruesome. But I don't see anything wrong with it because he doesn't get scared and doesn't have nightmares.

• My daughter watches tv. I don't think it's a bad thing, she still plays outside and does normal kid things, and we don't do video games at all. She's only 5 and knows how to turn Netflix on to her shows, and she'll let me sleep for about hour or two, then she comes and lets me know she is up and tells me to go back to bed.

• My youngest has health issues, which I've mentioned... and I still want another child before I'm 35. (I'm 28 now). We want one more shot at a little boy. I've been told so many times to just be happy with what we have now, that it's selfish to have another when our youngest may be behind for a long time, but... we do. We want one more...

• I let my kids run around naked if it's just me and the kids here. They're both girls and my youngest will be 2 tomorrow. She's getting better at potty training with panties and shorts on, but I still feel like she needs a little more help on being able to pull them up and down. Plus, why have extra clothes to wash if they take them off most of the time anyway? Win-win to me lol

• I have a confession....sometimes I get so mad at the kids for fighting or not listening to me when I have repeated myself 50 times that I scream at the top of my lungs to get my point across.

• If we're basically confined to the house for the week, my kids don't bathe the whole week because I don't feel like dealing with it. They change their clothes and undies on their own, so that's a plus!

• Sometimes, okay... a lot of the time lately... I'll just tell my 5 year old to feed herself and her 3 year old sister. She can make peanut butter sandwiches, microwave chicken nuggets... or they can get into the dry cereals and pop tarts. ...this is mainly because I want to nap, I'm watching something. Or I just really don't feel like getting up.

• I have three kids. My girls are 5 and 3. My son is 8 months old. My husband and I will have our 5 year old watch the baby (while he's in the playpen asleep or awake) and we will run off upstairs to have sex. (; ...Usually, by the time we go to bed, its 1 or 2 in the morning and I'm too exhausted for any adult playtime.

• I'll be downstairs, and I will call for my 5 year old who is upstairs in her room... she will come downstairs, then I'll ask her to get me a drink or to get my cellphone charger from upstairs. I'm more of a child than she is on these days. Ha!

• This may be a bad one... Sometimes, I've just completely had it with my girls (5 and 3) and their attitudes, and around bedtime it's a lot worse. They'll use the restroom... then want to brush their teeth and wash their hands... They take forever, so I tell them to just go to bed and forget about brushing their teeth or washing their hands... and I tell them they can do it in the morning when they wake up. Ooops.

• I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old. I am also a smoker. Sometimes when I am at my wits end... I put the baby in her bouncer or swing and have my almost three year old sit there and talk and play with the baby so I can go outside and smoke. My hubby freaks out but my older one is an amazing sister and doesn't try to pick up the baby or anything. She just makes funny faces and weird noises at the baby so she laughs until she hiccups. It's cute, they bond, mommy gets her cig. 

• When my daughter was about 4 months old she got a stomach virus her doctor told me she could send me home with meds or we could admit her to the hospital. I choose the hospital because it would give me a reason to call of work.

While some of these confessions may seem just plain wrong to you, I want you to think of something. Have you ever just snapped at your child? How about yanked a plate of food away and replaced a whole, perfectly good meal for a child who was simply picky? Swatted a hand? Just leaned back in your chair and groaned because damn it, bed time isn’t here yet.

How many of you would gladly admit the things you do that you don’t want others to know?

Probably not as many.

I commend these moms for their bravery in being bluntly honest and just confessing the things that so many would judge for. We’ve all had those days, and some people don’t have the luxury of having help to take care of the kids so mom can get some sleep.

Ladies, and Dads, start lifting each other up. Stop judging about decisions a family makes that doesn't effect your family, and instead, support each other. You'll win over far more people with sugar than molasses.