Why the Mommy Wars are STUPID!

*Note, this does not include things that have been proven to be beneficial in one way and has no real refuting research claiming otherwise, such as rear-facing, which could save a life. Please, if you front face before age1 (legal age in many states) or 2 (RECOMMENDED age to Front face), look up internal decapitation… it can happen in an accident. Rear facing can save a child’s life. *

As all moms have experienced, everything we do is under a microscope. People without kids think we can do things differently or that their kids will NEVER do that, people who have special needs kids are judged by parents of non-special needs kids because they need to ‘control their kids’, but on the other hand, a mom who disciplines in a way that another mother disagrees with is judged for ‘hurting their kids emotionally”… it’s ridiculous. We’re mothers, and we are the most judgmental of the groups who judge mothers.

Why?

To make ourselves feel better? “Oh my god, look at her… I don’t do that, and my kids are so much better for it!” If you need to put someone down to give your own ego a boost, that’s pretty bad. And we’re judged from both sides, so no matter what you choose, you’re considered by SOMEONE to be wrong.

- It doesn’t matter HOW the baby is fed, just that it is fed!

Seriously, why does it matter HOW the baby is fed? Breast milk is wonderful, but it’s also not your boobs and not your choice to make for someone else’s kid. Yeah, there are options. You could get milk from a bank, sure. What if they… dun dun dun… don’t WANT to? Oh my GOD, that’s horrible! How can they give a baby formula?? It’s like… poison! Even though it doesn’t harm babies at all, it’s still poison because it’s not ORGANIC and doesn’t come from a breast!!! On the other hand… who wants to see a tit out all day? Cover that up! Go sit in the bathroom to feed! Your kid doesn’t like a cover? Then make a bottle and shut up!

…No. It shouldn’t matter. Feed your child in whatever way you can, whatever way you can afford to, and however keeps your baby full, growing, healthy, and happy.

- Vaccination and Circumcision are personal medical choices that parents have to make!

How can you pump toxins into your baby??
Well, how can you NOT protect your child against various debilitating diseases??

You cut your son’s penis because your pedi told you it was better? Do some research.

You left your son intact?? It’s nowhere near as clean as having him circumcised.

Both sides : DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!

However, there’s really good research for BOTH sides of the argument here. There’s also very biased research for both sides, and for some, it’s tough to sift through the trash and find the diamonds in the rough. This is a medical choice that a family has to make, and their decision does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. Does them vaccinating or circumcising their child affect you, 100 miles away, person online that will never meet this other mom? No. Do I agree with some of it? No, but I make sure my kids are medically cared for in a way I deem appropriate, and then I move on.

- Cloth or Pampers, all diapers are there to do is to catch poop and pee!

Seriously… why does it matter what someone uses to catch their child’s waste in? Some people hold their kids over a toilet and go by cues when the kid needs to potty… No, seriously… look it up. It’s called Elimination Communication. Anyhow, yeah, I mean cloth is better for the environment, but cloth diapering moms, you had better be recycling everything, driving an electric car, and for that matter, not even washing clothes with regular dish soap. If not, you could be damaging the environment. And you have no idea if that mom using pampers is actually recycling or what is going on in their personal life. It’s not on your baby’s butt. So butt out.

- Stay at Home or Work, As long as bills are paid, who cares!

Both sides have advantages. Stay at home moms are there, all the time, and are watching their children grow and helping them learn regularly. They’re going to parks, malls, and other activities with their kids. That said, Working moms are bringing in money, get a small break from the monotony, and spending quality time with their kids when they get home. Why does it matter who is watching the children, as long as they are safely being monitored? They’re in daycare? Ok, and that is your business why?

“Well they put it on the internet, that makes it everyone’s business!”

No. It being on the internet does not mean it affects you or is your business in any way.

- Sleep Training : Not your problem to worry about!

Cry it out, or attachment? While there are studies on both, go on and do your research, and then if you feel the need… share. And you know what you do then? You let them do what they deem necessary. Another mom’s sleep training habits do not affect you.

- Co-Sleeping or a Crib… does it matter?

Again… where that child sleeps at night does not affect you in any way. If they’re in a crib, they have risks. There are also risks when you Co-sleep. While it is great to be concerned for someone else’s child and have empathy for them, but to be a sanctimommy on social media because someone raises their child differently than you do, is ridiculous.

- Epidural or Natural… when it comes from between your legs, you can decide.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Who wants to drug up their baby, all natural is the way to go. But, what if they can’t handle the pain?

“Shouldn’t have gotten knocked up, if you can’t handle childbirth!”

…

First off… no. You don’t get to tell someone what they can or cannot do with their own body. Second, if you haven’t given birth, you have no business saying anything. Third, if you HAVE given birth, kudos to you if you managed to go drug-free. But others cannot handle that and that is OK. Don’t worry about how someone else decides to push their crotch-fruit from their womb. Worry about your own labor. You go ahead and use your zen candles. Let them have their epidural in peace.

- C-section or Vaginal: As long as the baby is born healthy, why does it matter?

Don’t get me started here…

“C-section moms aren’t REAL moms because they didn’t actually give birth!”

“C-section moms took the easy way out!”

“C-section moms are lazy! Give birth the way you were meant to!”

“C-section moms are overbearing, having to plan every detail all the way down to the birth day!”

Blah blah blah.

C-sections are not easy, fyi. They are far from it. It’s someone strapping you to a table like you’re Christ himself on the cross, and slicing you open like a turkey. It’s a needle being shoved into your spine and left there to help numb you. It’s being awake through major surgery while someone plays Operation with your guts and moves them around. It’s being so groggy after that you may not be able to bond right away with baby. It’s possibly being unable and not allowed to hold your baby after birth. It’s terror as you feel someone’s hands in your stomach and intestinal area, praying the numbing blockers don’t wear off mid-surgery. It’s only being allowed one family member in the operating theater. It’s not getting to have the Vaginal birth you may have wanted. It’s having to walk with a pillow shoved to your stomach for up to 3 weeks after birth, depending on how you heal. It’s a potential infection and future pain. It’s a difficulty in doing things with your child for weeks later.

It’s not lazy, easy, or wrong. Sometimes it is the only way.

As for the real moms comment… Anyone who has a child in any way is a real mom. You don’t dictate who is or is not a ‘REAL’ mom based on your meager expectations of ‘real mothers’.

- Discipline: You handle your kid, let other moms worry about theirs!

“That mom is shouting at her kid!”

“She spanked her child! Oh my GOD!”

“She just put that child in time out? For shame, that poor kid!”

“She’s embarrassing that child in front of their friends, the poor thing…”

“She’s not doing anything? What a lazy woman, raising little brats.”

The point? No matter WHAT you do, someone’s going to judge. So just do what feels right for your family, and don’t worry what the mom who disagrees with your choices does for theirs. 

Momfessions: Confessions of Real Moms

First of all, welcome back to Mom to 2 Munchkins! Kinda got busy with school, and then other things related to the youngest's health, but we are back! Follow us on our vacations, trips to the doctor, specialists, and more. Get a glimpse into our day to day life, with a child who has special needs (man that is hard to say) and a preschooler (that's tough to say too) and a mom in college!

We all have some things we aren’t super proud of as parents. Be it a lack of healthy dessert options, spanking, not spanking, vaccinations both pro and con, what we feed them, how we handle the stress. But in the end, we’re all just trying our best to do the best we can. And we should be lifting each other up... educating on things that have factual research, but not being pushy, being polite, and helping one another. Instead, I see so much general animosity and hate...judgment against one another about things that really do not concern us in the slightest. Does it effect you if your neighbor's kids spend too much time on that darn game system? No, it's their kids.

Below are some anonymous confessions from real moms off an awesome facebook group called The Mommy Diaries. Despite the perfection we feel we have to display on the internet, these moms came out and were bluntly honest about the things they did that other may judge, or understand. They lift one another, and this group is literally one of the best mom groups I've seen on facebook.

Remember, as you read this… we’re all mothers, fathers, parents. We’ve all made mistakes or do things other parents would judge in a heartbeat. So, just keep that in mind… those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

• Sometimes I get so exhausted that I just turn the TV on and let the kids watch Dora so I can get just 10 minutes of peace and quiet.

• Every morning I do the same thing. My kids wake me up. I put the tv on for them in the living room and get each of them their bowls of cereal (they are almost 7 and 4 1/2) then I get my 15 month old out of her bed, change her and get her a bottle and a frozen waffle. I have a play yard in my living room. I put her in there. And then I go back to bed for 2 more hours. All 3 just watch tv and play and the baby is confined in the play yard and safe. My older kids come in and tell me if anything’s wrong but that almost never happens. I feel guilty I don’t get up with my kids. But I badly need the sleep. I normally go to bed at 12-2am and then I get up at 5am to get my boyfriend off to work so I can't fall back asleep till like 6am... So when they kids wake me up at 730am, I badly need those extra 2 hours. I normally get out of bed at 930ish.

• I got my almost 4 year old and 17 month old a bunk bed, and the oldest is on top, even though the warnings say not to get one until they're 6. We had no room and she climbs the ladder like a pro and sleeps like a log.  She hasn't fallen out of bed since she was 2.

• I don't feel guilty that my husband and I don't sleep in the same bed..... I co-sleep and my husband is not comfortable sleeping with our baby. We still get in plenty of intimate time so I don't feel bad for him.

• We've had ice cream for breakfast more than 5 times! Oops!

• I've let my oldest go to bed hungry. I am not a Burger King, you don't get it your way. She has only tried it twice.

• Once... or twice I didn't give the kiddos a bath because they were in the pool and I said good enough!

• I curse in my house... I don't curse AT my kids. I teach them which words are naughty and they are only allowed to say them when they are 18.

• I kept smelling poop one day. Found out my kid ninja pooped through my shirt to my bra, didn't even know she had pooped on me.

• One time when I took my bra off a binky fell out. A freaking binky.

• My 8 month old daughter LOVES South Park. One time, just so I could FINALLY finish the dishes and fold the last load of laundry, I put her in her bouncer and popped in a whole disk of it. 

• Sometimes I feel like a total mess and a failure as an adult, but as long as my little one is cared for and loved, I couldn't care any less about myself.

• I let my son watch The Waking Dead with me sometimes! He loves it and has never been scared of it. But I'm constantly told I'm a horrible parent because he's too young. He's 3. I only let him watch the ones I've already seen and I try to cover his eyes if a part gets too gruesome. But I don't see anything wrong with it because he doesn't get scared and doesn't have nightmares.

• My daughter watches tv. I don't think it's a bad thing, she still plays outside and does normal kid things, and we don't do video games at all. She's only 5 and knows how to turn Netflix on to her shows, and she'll let me sleep for about hour or two, then she comes and lets me know she is up and tells me to go back to bed.

• My youngest has health issues, which I've mentioned... and I still want another child before I'm 35. (I'm 28 now). We want one more shot at a little boy. I've been told so many times to just be happy with what we have now, that it's selfish to have another when our youngest may be behind for a long time, but... we do. We want one more...

• I let my kids run around naked if it's just me and the kids here. They're both girls and my youngest will be 2 tomorrow. She's getting better at potty training with panties and shorts on, but I still feel like she needs a little more help on being able to pull them up and down. Plus, why have extra clothes to wash if they take them off most of the time anyway? Win-win to me lol

• I have a confession....sometimes I get so mad at the kids for fighting or not listening to me when I have repeated myself 50 times that I scream at the top of my lungs to get my point across.

• If we're basically confined to the house for the week, my kids don't bathe the whole week because I don't feel like dealing with it. They change their clothes and undies on their own, so that's a plus!

• Sometimes, okay... a lot of the time lately... I'll just tell my 5 year old to feed herself and her 3 year old sister. She can make peanut butter sandwiches, microwave chicken nuggets... or they can get into the dry cereals and pop tarts. ...this is mainly because I want to nap, I'm watching something. Or I just really don't feel like getting up.

• I have three kids. My girls are 5 and 3. My son is 8 months old. My husband and I will have our 5 year old watch the baby (while he's in the playpen asleep or awake) and we will run off upstairs to have sex. (; ...Usually, by the time we go to bed, its 1 or 2 in the morning and I'm too exhausted for any adult playtime.

• I'll be downstairs, and I will call for my 5 year old who is upstairs in her room... she will come downstairs, then I'll ask her to get me a drink or to get my cellphone charger from upstairs. I'm more of a child than she is on these days. Ha!

• This may be a bad one... Sometimes, I've just completely had it with my girls (5 and 3) and their attitudes, and around bedtime it's a lot worse. They'll use the restroom... then want to brush their teeth and wash their hands... They take forever, so I tell them to just go to bed and forget about brushing their teeth or washing their hands... and I tell them they can do it in the morning when they wake up. Ooops.

• I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old. I am also a smoker. Sometimes when I am at my wits end... I put the baby in her bouncer or swing and have my almost three year old sit there and talk and play with the baby so I can go outside and smoke. My hubby freaks out but my older one is an amazing sister and doesn't try to pick up the baby or anything. She just makes funny faces and weird noises at the baby so she laughs until she hiccups. It's cute, they bond, mommy gets her cig. 

• When my daughter was about 4 months old she got a stomach virus her doctor told me she could send me home with meds or we could admit her to the hospital. I choose the hospital because it would give me a reason to call of work.

While some of these confessions may seem just plain wrong to you, I want you to think of something. Have you ever just snapped at your child? How about yanked a plate of food away and replaced a whole, perfectly good meal for a child who was simply picky? Swatted a hand? Just leaned back in your chair and groaned because damn it, bed time isn’t here yet.

How many of you would gladly admit the things you do that you don’t want others to know?

Probably not as many.

I commend these moms for their bravery in being bluntly honest and just confessing the things that so many would judge for. We’ve all had those days, and some people don’t have the luxury of having help to take care of the kids so mom can get some sleep.

Ladies, and Dads, start lifting each other up. Stop judging about decisions a family makes that doesn't effect your family, and instead, support each other. You'll win over far more people with sugar than molasses.