Honesty time... I don't like breastfeeding... and I don't want to try again.

I got to thinking last night, about how Chloe will be here in a few weeks, and how ready we are to have our second little sweetie in our arms and happy at home. I also got to thinking about things that I had thought I was 100% sure about… like if I really wanted to breastfeed her.

Now, I’m not going to lie, I know that it’s the best thing she could get from me, the best present I could give her... and don't get me wrong, I think the act of breastfeeding is a beautiful thing and a great way to bond… but honestly… I hated even trying with Rayne. It hurt, it was uncomfortable, I felt gross when friends visited and I had her attached, and she didn’t take to it, so for a week, she was constantly hungry. My milk came in, but she wasn’t getting any of it. My other half had to pump one side with a manual pump while Rayne tried to nurse on the other side. And then I’d still have to pump the side she had nursed on, because she never got more than an ¼ an ounce, and there’d be another ounce or two in there. And the pain of having engorged breasts is absolutely horrendous…

But, the pressure to succeed is incredibly strong nowadays…

You hear it all the time… Breastfed babies are smarter than formula fed ones. Breastfed babies sleep better. Breastfeeding is the best you can do for your child, if you don’t try you failed. Breastfeeding is the strongest bond a mother and child can have. Breastfeeding is what you do when you care. It’s better, keeps your child healthier, makes the baby stronger, reduces SIDS, etc. We are bombarded with studies and websites and various people telling us that this is what we NEED to do. 

That is a LOT of pressure to do something that, honestly, should be a personal choice.

NO ONE should be made to feel bad for not being able to breastfeed. No one should be made to feel bad for not WANTING to breastfeed. And no one should feel bad for wanting to breastfeed or not wanting to formula feed, either, but that is something I rarely see… I very rarely see people who bash breastfeeding moms simply for breastfeeding. I’ve seen people not liking the breastfeeding in public, but not the backlash for the act of breastfeeding that I have seen for the act of formula feeding.

I have seen some mothers tell other moms they are poisoning their children by using formula. I’ve seen them say that they are borderline abusive for not breastfeeding or even trying to. I’ve seen women say that all women should breastfeed their kids and that if they can’t, they aren’t trying hard enough because all women can do it. Why? Why do we have to lecture moms who decide to do things in a perfectly acceptable way?

I don’t want to even try this time, if I’m honest with myself. I catch myself checking out formula prices and bottles when we go to the store. I don’t look at breast pumps as much, if at all.

Will I try and breastfeed again? Probably. But it won’t be because I want to, as much as it will be because it’s what’s expected of a ‘good’ mom.

I want to go back to work in May or June. I’m not graduating college to hang a degree on my wall and call it a day. I want to work. It’s going to be FAR harder for me to do that… if I am breastfeeding. That is a BIG thing for us.

I don’t understand why women have to judge about things like this so much. These personal choices do not determine how good of a parent you’ll be… Whether you vaccinate or choose not to, circumcise or not, breastfeed or not, delay solids or not… it does not determine how good or bad of a parent you are!

I think as a whole, society needs to learn to mind their own business when it comes to how other people

parent their kids. (NOTE: If real abuse is going on, of COURSE step in! That is a whole different ball game) If a parent disciplines in a way you are not comfortable with, don’t speak to them, but don’t go calling CPS for every swat to the butt or raised voice. If a parent is formula feeding… don’t assume they didn’t try to breastfeed, or even worry about it. The child is getting fed, and loved, and getting the nutrients they need. It’s no one’s business but the mom’s as to why she may or may not be breastfeeding her child.

So, do I want to breastfeed again? If I’m honest… no, I don’t. The closer it gets to her being here the more nervous I get and the more I can’t stand the thought of it.  But I will try. Just to keep the people who can’t leave well enough alone off my back.

Do you think women who don’t breastfeed are bad moms?? Why or why not?