Why the Mommy Wars are STUPID!

*Note, this does not include things that have been proven to be beneficial in one way and has no real refuting research claiming otherwise, such as rear-facing, which could save a life. Please, if you front face before age1 (legal age in many states) or 2 (RECOMMENDED age to Front face), look up internal decapitation… it can happen in an accident. Rear facing can save a child’s life. *

As all moms have experienced, everything we do is under a microscope. People without kids think we can do things differently or that their kids will NEVER do that, people who have special needs kids are judged by parents of non-special needs kids because they need to ‘control their kids’, but on the other hand, a mom who disciplines in a way that another mother disagrees with is judged for ‘hurting their kids emotionally”… it’s ridiculous. We’re mothers, and we are the most judgmental of the groups who judge mothers.

Why?

To make ourselves feel better? “Oh my god, look at her… I don’t do that, and my kids are so much better for it!” If you need to put someone down to give your own ego a boost, that’s pretty bad. And we’re judged from both sides, so no matter what you choose, you’re considered by SOMEONE to be wrong.

- It doesn’t matter HOW the baby is fed, just that it is fed!

Seriously, why does it matter HOW the baby is fed? Breast milk is wonderful, but it’s also not your boobs and not your choice to make for someone else’s kid. Yeah, there are options. You could get milk from a bank, sure. What if they… dun dun dun… don’t WANT to? Oh my GOD, that’s horrible! How can they give a baby formula?? It’s like… poison! Even though it doesn’t harm babies at all, it’s still poison because it’s not ORGANIC and doesn’t come from a breast!!! On the other hand… who wants to see a tit out all day? Cover that up! Go sit in the bathroom to feed! Your kid doesn’t like a cover? Then make a bottle and shut up!

…No. It shouldn’t matter. Feed your child in whatever way you can, whatever way you can afford to, and however keeps your baby full, growing, healthy, and happy.

- Vaccination and Circumcision are personal medical choices that parents have to make!

How can you pump toxins into your baby??
Well, how can you NOT protect your child against various debilitating diseases??

You cut your son’s penis because your pedi told you it was better? Do some research.

You left your son intact?? It’s nowhere near as clean as having him circumcised.

Both sides : DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!

However, there’s really good research for BOTH sides of the argument here. There’s also very biased research for both sides, and for some, it’s tough to sift through the trash and find the diamonds in the rough. This is a medical choice that a family has to make, and their decision does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. Does them vaccinating or circumcising their child affect you, 100 miles away, person online that will never meet this other mom? No. Do I agree with some of it? No, but I make sure my kids are medically cared for in a way I deem appropriate, and then I move on.

- Cloth or Pampers, all diapers are there to do is to catch poop and pee!

Seriously… why does it matter what someone uses to catch their child’s waste in? Some people hold their kids over a toilet and go by cues when the kid needs to potty… No, seriously… look it up. It’s called Elimination Communication. Anyhow, yeah, I mean cloth is better for the environment, but cloth diapering moms, you had better be recycling everything, driving an electric car, and for that matter, not even washing clothes with regular dish soap. If not, you could be damaging the environment. And you have no idea if that mom using pampers is actually recycling or what is going on in their personal life. It’s not on your baby’s butt. So butt out.

- Stay at Home or Work, As long as bills are paid, who cares!

Both sides have advantages. Stay at home moms are there, all the time, and are watching their children grow and helping them learn regularly. They’re going to parks, malls, and other activities with their kids. That said, Working moms are bringing in money, get a small break from the monotony, and spending quality time with their kids when they get home. Why does it matter who is watching the children, as long as they are safely being monitored? They’re in daycare? Ok, and that is your business why?

“Well they put it on the internet, that makes it everyone’s business!”

No. It being on the internet does not mean it affects you or is your business in any way.

- Sleep Training : Not your problem to worry about!

Cry it out, or attachment? While there are studies on both, go on and do your research, and then if you feel the need… share. And you know what you do then? You let them do what they deem necessary. Another mom’s sleep training habits do not affect you.

- Co-Sleeping or a Crib… does it matter?

Again… where that child sleeps at night does not affect you in any way. If they’re in a crib, they have risks. There are also risks when you Co-sleep. While it is great to be concerned for someone else’s child and have empathy for them, but to be a sanctimommy on social media because someone raises their child differently than you do, is ridiculous.

- Epidural or Natural… when it comes from between your legs, you can decide.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Who wants to drug up their baby, all natural is the way to go. But, what if they can’t handle the pain?

“Shouldn’t have gotten knocked up, if you can’t handle childbirth!”

…

First off… no. You don’t get to tell someone what they can or cannot do with their own body. Second, if you haven’t given birth, you have no business saying anything. Third, if you HAVE given birth, kudos to you if you managed to go drug-free. But others cannot handle that and that is OK. Don’t worry about how someone else decides to push their crotch-fruit from their womb. Worry about your own labor. You go ahead and use your zen candles. Let them have their epidural in peace.

- C-section or Vaginal: As long as the baby is born healthy, why does it matter?

Don’t get me started here…

“C-section moms aren’t REAL moms because they didn’t actually give birth!”

“C-section moms took the easy way out!”

“C-section moms are lazy! Give birth the way you were meant to!”

“C-section moms are overbearing, having to plan every detail all the way down to the birth day!”

Blah blah blah.

C-sections are not easy, fyi. They are far from it. It’s someone strapping you to a table like you’re Christ himself on the cross, and slicing you open like a turkey. It’s a needle being shoved into your spine and left there to help numb you. It’s being awake through major surgery while someone plays Operation with your guts and moves them around. It’s being so groggy after that you may not be able to bond right away with baby. It’s possibly being unable and not allowed to hold your baby after birth. It’s terror as you feel someone’s hands in your stomach and intestinal area, praying the numbing blockers don’t wear off mid-surgery. It’s only being allowed one family member in the operating theater. It’s not getting to have the Vaginal birth you may have wanted. It’s having to walk with a pillow shoved to your stomach for up to 3 weeks after birth, depending on how you heal. It’s a potential infection and future pain. It’s a difficulty in doing things with your child for weeks later.

It’s not lazy, easy, or wrong. Sometimes it is the only way.

As for the real moms comment… Anyone who has a child in any way is a real mom. You don’t dictate who is or is not a ‘REAL’ mom based on your meager expectations of ‘real mothers’.

- Discipline: You handle your kid, let other moms worry about theirs!

“That mom is shouting at her kid!”

“She spanked her child! Oh my GOD!”

“She just put that child in time out? For shame, that poor kid!”

“She’s embarrassing that child in front of their friends, the poor thing…”

“She’s not doing anything? What a lazy woman, raising little brats.”

The point? No matter WHAT you do, someone’s going to judge. So just do what feels right for your family, and don’t worry what the mom who disagrees with your choices does for theirs.