imPress nails: I’m not impressed…

Well, I decided since I hadn’t done it yet, to test my imPress nails from my UniVoxBox.

Needless to say… I’m not impressed.

During application, the pros were that they were initially easy to apply, stick fast, feel semi-sturdy, and look professional. But that’s where the pros end. The tabs on the back were a pain to pull off. They were tough to apply once a few of the nails are on. Many of them are too long, once I found ones that matched my nail size. They fit awkwardly on my nails, and to be honest, I REALLY hated not being able to cut them to the size I personally like for my nails.

I opted, at that point, to test them under real-life circumstances. Started out with the dishes. They did not hold up well… Most of the nails made it through, 9 out of 10 of them did, but the water severely  loosened the glue. The right index finger popped off. Nails felt flimsy while washing dishes, like they would come off anytime. They were also uncomfortable.

After that, BOTH thumbs popped off while I was using the restroom and then undressing for my bath. While typing this, the right ring finger came off while fixing my hair for said bath, and the left ring finger was hanging on by a thread post-bath, as was the left pinky finger and right middle finger.

While typing this, the left pinky fully came off.

I was left with this… One lone middle finger with a nail on it.

 

Yeah, one nail. So, you can guess, out of 10, what my rating is, since I usually rate out of 10?

One out of 10. Has to last more than 2 hours under normal mommy circumstances for me to say differently, sorry. 

NYC Expert Last Lipcolor and Stay Matte Foundation makeup look!

I’m finally getting around to making a nice look for this NYC lip color and the Stay Matte Foundation I got from Influenster over a month ago. What can I say, I’ve been busy. Anywho, I’m going to tell you how to get from point A, no makeup, to point B, the finished look.

11)      Start with fresh, clean skin. I like to use an exfoliating wipe personally. I also use some makeupo remover to get any old eyeliner that may be stubbornly clinging to me, off.

22)      Apply the Stay Matte foundation to the face as needed. I do under the eyes, on the cheeks lightly, and on my nose and chin.

33)      I use a white powder eyeshadow, a loose powder with glittery flecks in it, for the eyeshadow. I find spring looks do best with light shades.

44)      Line the upper lashes, and then the waterline, with a black eyeliner. Smudge to make less dramatic, leave as it is for a sharper look.

55)      Apply mascara, I’m a fan of Rimmel Scandelash.

66)      Apply lipstick, I have the bright pink NYC Expert Last lip color on.

77)      Done. Enjoy!

Child Harnesses: Good or Bad? Or No-one Else's Business?

So, today I was out at our local mall with Mike and the kids, we were just out to walk because, to be honest, our mall sucks, has chased out half the stores that were in it, and there’s nothing to do. While out, I noticed a mom and her, probably 18 month old at the most, daughter out for a walk as well. The mom had her child on a harness, and they were content, the daughter stayed near the mom, no one was upset or fussing, no one was harmed.

And then this old lady walked by and shot this woman a snide, snooty look. And I could not for the life of me figure out why initially… could it be because the mom is in a t-shirt or something? No, because then I’d have gotten a look too, and when she looked to me and Mike and the kids, she smiled as broad as you could. Maybe her lack of a man with her, some people are like that around here? No, because her wedding band was on her finger in plain sight. I was stumped. Then I figured it out when I heard this lady say to her friend “… just like a puppy.”  

Not Child Abuse

She was being judged for her harness.

Now, before you ask, no I didn’t get in this old woman’s face and say something, because I had the kids with me, and to be honest she was so far off when I overheard that snippet that it wasn’t worth it, besides the woman didn’t even seem to notice or care what the lady had said or how she had looked at her.

That said… I don’t get the judgment at ALL. She wasn’t doing something evil or mistreating her kid, she had the child in a safety harness. That’s nowhere near hurting her kid. And yet, all around, parents are being judgmental or holier-than-thou, all because of one of those pesky parenting choices that they don’t agree with.

Shame on these people for having a parenting preference and doing things differently than others!

I mean come on. It’s a harness, not a shock collar. It’s not going to hurt the child to be on a harness, in fact, in busy areas, it can be a blessing.

I bought one of those for the older munchkin when she was learning to walk. She was EXTREMELY independent and wanted nothing more than to get into everything. This was fine in our small town, I held her hand everywhere we went. But we decided to take a trip, around 18 months of age, to an amusement park, Busch Gardens Williamsburg to be exact. Now, my 18 month old looked like she was 3. She was and still is VERY tall for her age. She wears a 4T or 5T from the toddler department or a XS or S from the girls department, for her height, for an example. And I fully intended to hold her hand through that park.

Still not Child Abuse

But, in case some jerk got the idea to try and kidnap my kid… I wanted an extra line of defense. I wanted her attached to me by more than a single hand. So, we harnessed her through the park. And you’d have never known it unless you watched us remove her harness to get on rides. It was a lion, looked like a backpack. And it made me feel safer being out around so many strange people with my baby.

Did we need it? Who knows, maybe it deterred some sicko from grabbing my kid from me. But it made me feel better.

I haven’t used it since then. It’s literally put away until we possibly need it this summer if we go back to the amusement park. But it has its benefits for people. It can help give an independent child some freedom, it can add a safety measure in crowds, it can help when the mom has her hands full or has more than one kid, or forgot the stroller, or SO many things. I have never seen one of those things and thought, oh man that mom is LAZY! Not even before getting one for DD to use the one time did I think that.

So why is it that so many people jump to conclusions about that? All I think is, what a cute harness, and the kid is so adorable! And a responsible parent too, keeping their child safe! It’s great to see people doing what works for them!

 

Maybe... Nope. Still not Child Abuse.

So why judge? Why can’t we, as parents, just let people do what works for them?

I challenge you to look beyond the arguments of ‘it looks like a dog leash’ or ‘it’s lazy parenting’, and see it as it really is… a parenting choice different than one you may use. I challenge you to look beyond the stigma of this item, and to instead of throw a look at a parent with her hands full and a child on a harness, smile and offer a kind word of encouragement. Because that’s what we should be doing anyhow. As long as that child is not being beaten or abused in some other way or isn’t running rampant, the parent’s choices are not your concern.

What do you think? Can you look past the stigma of harnesses? Did you harness your little one? 

UniVoxBox Influenster Review and Unboxing!

The UniVoxBox Arrived yesterday! Obviously, I was excited to crack that sucker open! Check out the unboxing, the second unboxing I’ve done, and take a look at some of the products inside! On a side note… man I need to get a better webcam… for realsies…

6 benefits to baby-wearing, as per a Second-Time Mommy

My poor little sicky... our visit to the ER.

Well, the last few days have been… scary, to be honest. My 3 week old caught a virus from a family member, and she went from a sniffly nose to a full blown chest infection. Apparently, her sniffles turned into RSV. She’s needed a lot of cuddles, and I’ve still needed my hands… so I decided to wear her around the house more than usual. And let me tell you, she’s so much calmer and happier when I wear her. Thinking about this, I decided to think about the benefits of baby wearing, some of which I had noticed, some that I hadn’t until I thought about it.

**NOTE: These are MY benefits to baby-wearing. I’m sure others have other benefits, and some may not even agree with these benefits. And this is in NO way saying you have to baby-wear your child. It’s helpful and beneficial for ME, but it won’t be for everyone. **

Hands Free! – In all honesty, I genuinely need both hands a LOT. I’m a SAHM to two girls, one of whom currently is sick (my poor newb…) and I still need to keep the house clean and get homework done. And when my baby won’t have anything to do with her swing or her carseat, or needs to be held up more to help her clear her chest,  I pop her in the baby carrier and off we go to clean together, and man, it’s been a lifesaver. I wear her for about 2 hours a day, and I get so much done with her in the carrier that it’s crazy.

Great Exercise! –Yeah not even kidding, I’ve lost all my baby weight from my second child, and I swear it’s because I wear her wherever I take her and around the house. I don’t push her in a stroller, she is on me, and you feel the burn after a while of carrying around a 10lb infant child with you all the time. My back hurts, but I feel the ache of a good workout in my legs and thighs after kneeling, walking, lifting, and more with her on me. And I’m not even joking, all of the baby weight is gone. I’m back down to where I was before I got pregnant.

Good for Bonding! -I’ve gotten so close to this kiddo by wearing her, I can tell some of what’s wrong before she even gets mad, and I wasn’t able to do that with my oldest. I bonded with her, don’t get me wrong, but I also had way more time to devote to just being with her all day. Now, I have a limited timeframe to do this all day. But this gives us both the closeness we desire, without chomping into the day. (Yes, she is worth every minute she would take up, but now I don’t have to lose that time.)

Relaxing for Baby! –My newbie is sick, as I said before, and she has wanted me to hold her all the time. But, I can’t, I literally have homework and other things to get done during the day. I pop her in the carrier, and she’s content. She relaxes, she sleeps more soundly, and if I sit in front of our humidifier and let the air hit her, she breathes better. She relaxes a lot more when she’s not sick and in her carrier, too, but when she’s sick, I want to be able to keep her relaxed, while getting the things I have to get done, done.

No need for a Stroller! –You know how many times I’ve used a stroller since she’s been born? None. I’ve yet to need it. I wear her any time I have to go to the store, or want to go to the mall for exercise. And it has been nice not needing to lug out that huge monstrosity of a stroller that we had for our firstborn… I hated that thing with a burning passion. Now the oldest can hold my hand, and the newb can sleep on me, and I have a hand free to carry the small diaper bag. So many problems solved.  

Keeps the crazies from touching as much! –This is a BIG one for me. I cannot stand a lot of unnecessary touching of my kid. I can tolerate a little, but with my oldest, people literally came up to her stroller and seat, and tried to touch her face and her hands… NO people. No. Do not touch her without my permission! Well, now they have a LOT harder time touching her with her being attached to me. Get your grubby germs on her now… See if you get close enough!

What benefits do you see to baby-wearing? Do  you baby-wear? 

Update: Adjusting to life with a Newborn & a Toddler

You know, newborns are funny creatures. Think about it, the average newborn comes out looking something like a cross between a potato and Gollum half the time. They’re covered in hair in weird places, like their earlobes and their backs and their foreheads. Sometimes they sleep ALL the time, except for the time you want them to sleep. They cry , eat, cry more, pee, and poop things that don’t look like human poop.

And yet, we love them so much our hearts could burst. Despite the smells and pee on us, we feel so much love to these tiny humans we created.

So far, we’re going on 2 weeks home with the newbie, and we’ve adjusted accordingly. The first week was interesting… for 2 days, she would only sleep on me or in her swing, so I spent 2 nights on the couch camped out next to her swing while she slept. Mind you, this was a few days after my C-section, so I was miserable once I woke up… Sleeping on the couch does not make you feel great post-surgery. The first night my newb slept in her bassinet, I was praising whatever deity allowed me those few hours of sleep. I needed them so desperately, I was willing to trade anything for that time sleeping.

And she eats like a little horse! (Ok maybe more like a Shetland Pony, but you get the picture) She’s already gobbling down 3 oz per feeding every 3 hours. And since she is currently going through a growth spurt, she’s up to 3.5 to 4 oz some feedings… mind you when she eats more, she waits longer to eat again, but still! And it’s not overfeeding, the kid rarely if ever spits up.

She wears a 0-3 month or 3-6 month size clothes. My oldest was a little runt compared to this tyke… My oldest wore newb sizes for 2 months… she was born 7lb 13 oz. My newbie? Born 9lb and 12 oz., and she’s in a way bigger size. She can’t fit into newb onesies anymore, and she barely fits into her newb one-piece sleep suits.

But that’s all ok. Because she is totally worth all the adjustments and the clothes. (Thank God for Hand-Me Downs…)

My oldest is adjusting pretty well, some of the things this kid says to her sister is hilarious… I’m like, where did you HEAR that from, because we never said it! Like earlier, she said “Please, stop doing that, no more crying!” to her sister in the car on the way home from the store. We’ve never told her sister to stop crying, babies cry, it’s normal!

Or, the ever-hilarious “Please, just no, you be quiet now!”. Yes, we’re telling her that she needs to talk nice to her sister, but we can’t help but to snicker a little when she’s not looking. However, on the flip side, she sees her sister cry, and she gets worried and says, “Chloe’s frustrated? She hungry?”. She worries so much about her baby sister, it’s very cute, but she’s not as interested in holding her anymore. I think the novelty wore off to her. But she’s adjusting well, and she does help us a LOT, she helps shake bottles, and throws out diapers, she’s even helped with changing diapers by wiping her sissy’s booty for us when we let her. She knows not to pick her up without us helping, which was one of our big worries.

The hardest part has been finding the time to do my homework, to be honest! I’ve got to really buckle down this week to get that done in the timeframe that I have!!

So, as I sit here tonight with my 2 week old on my chest, I think about how the last 2 weeks have flown by and how things have changed so drastically… We’ve had a lot of life changes in a very short period of time, some of which I can’t talk about right now… suffice it to say, our life has gotten a lot harder in some ways, but in others, man I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I can’t imagine life without our Chloe anymore.

Anyhow, I just wanted to post a quick little blog update! As you can see, she’s definitely getting big fast! Planning to work on more stuff in the weeks coming up!

Do you remember when your little ones were newborns? What was the hardest part about adjusting with a newborn for you?

10 things you forget about newborns and the post-partum time period!

I’ve been AWOL on here for a while, and there’s a very good reason for that. I had my second daughter! Before I get to the blog post, let me take a minute to do the obligatory mommy bragging. She was born VIA repeat c-section at 2 days before 40 weeks, at 9:09 AM. She’s a big baby girl, but beautiful and healthy! She was born 9lbs and 12oz, and 20 inches long, which explains the misery I was in for the last month! I mean, seriously, she has a big head! Her head was wedged into my hips for a month, so I took one look at her head and BAM, my exact words were, “Well THAT explains a lot!”

My other half looked at her when she was born and laughed, and said “That’s a BIG girl!” and I swear, I was in denial. I was all “No, she’s not!” and he was grinning and told me that yeah, she really was, and darned if he was right! Big baby! Explained a lot! She looks just like her daddy though. I’m one big proud mommy.

Anywho, so today I figured, since I have a new addition in the house, I’d write about her! Well, 10 things you forget about newborns, anyways! Basically, this is the stuff that happens, and after a while, you don’t remember it because your little one outgrows it. And then you get the baby fever, and you don’t even think about these things. And, while we’re at it, let’s toss in those post-partum BLECH moments that we completely forget about too!

1- All-nighters. I can honestly say that I had forgotten about the notorious all-nighter, until the second night in the hospital where my little one would NOT sleep in her bassinet no matter what we did! We finally got her to sleep in her bassinet last night and so far, so good for tonight. *fingers crossed* But yeah, you seem to forget about the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn most of the time once you get to getting some sleep again.

2- Getting peed on. Yeah, my first really only did this once, but so far, my Roto-Rooter takes BIG pees, so when she goes, she soaks her diaper, and sometimes, us too. She got my other half the other day, and today she got me! I don’t think we’re going to be buying anymore packs of newborn diapers that’s for sure. Pretty sure we’re going to size 1. But I know I sure didn’t remember the feeling of a wet pair of pants and going ‘Huh… that’s warm… and wet… and the baby’s wet… oh…’

3- The need to feed!! Yes, I made that sound like a zombie thing on purpose! I completely forgot how my older girl had loved to chow down her food! So when this one decided to be a chow-hound too… man, I was taken aback for a bit! And I had nurses trying to tell me that she shouldn’t be eating as much as she was, but I had to remember that babies will seldom overeat, they will eat until full. And once we did a formula switch to the anti-spit up formula, she eats her 2.5 to 3 oz avery 3 hours, and we see almost no spitting up. (And yes, her pedi said her intake is perfectly normal. Some newbs apparently just need a little more, especially ones born at 40 weeks, from what she said.)

4- Clothing that suddenly won’t fit! It’s been literally 5 days and already she’s outgrown a good chunk of her newborn wardrobe. She’s gotten longer I think since she came out. When she came out, for example, she had a little blue footie pajama set that fit her perfect. Now? She can’t even straighten her legs in it, and the arms are way too short. Luckily onesies stretch some, but even the stretchiest onesies in the world can’t help some of her brand new clothes that, suddenly, won’t fit.

5- That stretching feeling! This goes with the whole outgrowing clothes thing, but MAN I don’t know if it’s just my kids or if it’s ALL babies, but in the first week this kid has sprouted taller like someone sprinkled Miracle Gro all over her head and watered her like a plant. I mean, she seems to get a little longer by the day lately! And when I thought back, my older daughter did that too!

6- Ew, bleeding. I completely forgot how gross post-partum bleeding really is… It’s nothing like a period, at least not for me. It makes me miss my period…

7- OW MY BOOBS! Seriously! Once that milk comes in, my boobs felt like bricks of HATE! I couldn’t even lay in the bed! I stuffed cabbage in my bra, for a little comfort, and then I found out that Sudafed helps with drying you up, so I’ve taken that for 2 days. (Luckily, I had a runny nose from my cold still anyhow, so I knocked out two birds with one stone.) Kudos to the women who breastfeed and have to deal with that engorged feeling, because I don’t think I could do that plus deal with my C-section incision pain.

8- Hello, hormones! Yeah, I forgot how weepy and stressed having a newborn can make you. That lovely cocktail of post-partum hormones makes every little thing seem major for a few days, and then you start to even out and feel kinda human again.

9- I want it and can’t have it… Take three guesses at what I’m talking about here. Yeah. That post-partum waiting period SUCKS. I don’t know why, but I’m still just as ‘wanting it’ as I was when I was pregnant, and now, I actually can’t HAVE it, and no lie, it’s driving me freaking BATTY! Probably a hormone thing, too, so YAY hormones I guess!

10- The stinkiest, grossest poops in the world. No lie, newborn diapers stink. And they’re all seedy, like someone filled them with little sesame seeds… And the color palette of them is just… I forgot poop came in those colors. And don’t get me started on meconium. Even more gross, poo that sticks to the kiddo like black tar… At least a bit of olive oil helps with getting THAT stuff off.

And there you have it! Off topic, I’ll probably be posting a little less while I get to know my little Roto-Rooter a little better, and we have some bonding time, me, her, sissy, and daddy, but I will be posting when I get the chance! I also have college to finish up, so you’ll probably get more out of me in May, once I finish school and graduate! (YAY GRADUATION!) As always, thanks for reading! 

Teenage Domestic Violence... *TRIGGER WARNING*

This really hits me close to home… To start off, watch this video. It’s from What Would You Do, and it’s about teen violence. NOTE: If you are easily moved, or upset by topics like this, don't read any further. It's going to go very in-depth and detailed... and may very well cause flashbacks or other reactions from people who have been abused... 

I’ve been in this situation. And it’s hard because sometimes even teenagers don’t think it’s wrong. Sometimes no one will stand up and help.

I want to tell you about my teenage years. I didn’t know any better about what was expected in a relationship, and how things were supposed to work. Just because I had seen my parents and their relationship, doesn’t mean that things were always supposed to be like that… and I didn’t know any better.

When I was 15, I began dating the brother of a good friend of mine, a girl who played Varsity Basketball with me. For a long while, things were fine. And then they changed, slowly, gradually… my boyfriend began to call me horrible names… he called me a bitch, and a slut, because my ex, who I was good friends with, would call to make sure that I was ok and see how our friends were doing, since he had moved away. My boyfriend began to control every aspect of my life, from the way I dressed, to the way I ate. He wanted me to eat less so that I would fit in a smaller size, and I had never been less than a size 12 since I had hit puberty and became 5’5”. I wasn’t overweight by any means, but I wasn’t rail thin either, and he expected me to look like the girls on the magazines and on the porn websites… tiny, thin… and ready to put out whenever he wanted.

By the time I was age 16, he had forced my hand down his pants a few times... However, he seemed to listen when I told him no and that I didn’t want to do that… I had been trying to wait until I was ready to lose my virginity. The only person I had felt comfortable with in that regard was my ex, the one who had moved away. My boyfriend was not happy about that, he wanted me to do those things with him, things that I had barely done with my ex. (My ex and I had just begun, before he moved, exploring each other with hands and eyes. And we hadn’t planned to go farther than that.) It made him angry, and so, the verbal abuse doubled. I was told I was an idiot, that I was a stupid female. I believed him. My grades dropped from As to Bs… and for me, that was a BIG drop. I had been a straight A student since elementary school. Watching my grades drop was like confirming what he said. I listened. I should have left, but I didn’t. I should have left when the first slap came that year… I should have left when it escalated past slapping into hair pulling, pinching, and throwing me around. I didn’t.

When I was 17, the end of my Junior year, he raped me. At the time, I didn’t know that it was rape when you said no in a relationship. I thought that once you were with someone, it was no longer rape, no matter how much you said no. My parents had never taught me about how relationships worked or the ‘rules’. I thought that sex came with the relationship whether you wanted it or not. He did it many times over the next couple of months… I guess he had gotten tired of waiting for me to say yes. He didn’t use protection… and I ended up pregnant.

I panicked. I had no idea what to do… I didn’t know my options. When I walked out of the bathroom with my 3^rd pregnancy test in 2 days, with bright pink lines, he got quiet and left the room. When he came back, he never spoke. He grabbed me by the hair and threw me to the ground, and began to kick me and scream in my face. In the time frame he had been out of the room, he had locked all of the doors to the building we were in, a store his dad owned, and put up closed signs. He kicked me for about 30 minutes, in my stomach, in my arms… and by the next hour and a half, I was bleeding from my vagina. I had a miscarriage. And I was ashamed to say I was relieved… I was never more glad to be bleeding in my life. I took myself to the ER, and gave a false name. I was treated for broken ribs and uterine damage, and my parents were called. I lied, and told them I was mugged… My doctor was understanding enough to not inform them of the miscarriage. And now, in hindsight, I know that not only was I wrong to ask the doctor to not tell them… but the doctor was wrong for listening. They never knew I had been pregnant, they just knew I was hurt. I recovered, and my boyfriend brought flowers and stuffed animals, and cards… he acted like a new person. I thought it would change.

I was wrong.

It NEVER changes. Ever.

It got worse. He began to use condoms whenever he had sex with me. By that point, like a child, I would just let my mind go to a different place. I would go away in my head. He had told me that he would shoot my family if I told them or left him, and I had seen his gun. I stayed in fear for their lives. I found out after the first time that he used a condom, that I was allergic to them. He didn’t care, so I had a rash constantly. I went and got seen at the doctor, and told my mother that I was sexually active. I didn’t tell her that I didn’t want to be, but she suspected. A mother knows her child. She asked me repeatedly if I was ok, if I was doing things because I wanted to… I lied again. I told her yes, I was fine. The doctor’s office told me I was STD free, thank God, and gave me a prescription for birth control pills. With those pills, my boyfriend became more possessive. He thought that me being on the pill would make me sleep around on him, although I had never given him reason to think that. He began to try and have sex with me daily, wherever he could… He’d drive into the woods and do it there, he’d drag me from the car to do it on the hood of the car, on the ground, wherever… A few times, he even had the balls to do it at my mom and dad’s house, while watching TV in my room. I felt ashamed, dirty, and used. I didn’t WANT this, but when I said anything, he accused me of being a whore and cheating on him.

By my Senior year, it was so bad that I had attempted suicide about 3 times. The final time would have succeeded, if my mother had not broken down the bathroom door and found me… I was in the tub, with all of my father’s painkillers in my system and my wrists slit from the hands to the mid-arm. She had seen the water spill over the tub and didn’t hesitate to break in. She saved my life. She called 911 before she got that door open, and she wrapped my wounds in towels and started forcing milk down my throat and then forced my body to puke. If she hadn’t done what she did, I would have died. Instead, they took me to the hospital, and I was bandaged and had my stomach pumped. The hospital called a pastor for a religious intervention, since the town I lived in was big on the bible belt, and I was given the lecture about how suicide was a sin and that I would go to hell if I died by killing myself.

I can assure you, that didn’t help.

 

I was in such a deep depression, that I didn’t care about graduating, or prom, or any of the things that I should care about. My boyfriend got his wish, I became a size 7 in a matter of months. I no longer ate my meals like I should. I had bruises hidden with layers of makeup and various clothes. I wore turtle necks, long sleeve shirts, blue jeans… in the middle of spring and summer. I wouldn’t wear bathing suits anymore, I wore shorts and t-shirts to my grandmother’s pool, because wearing a one piece was too revealing to him and I didn’t want to get the punishment for it. He called me fat constantly, and at that point, my mother was worried about my health because I was so small, so fast. My hair was falling out, and my teeth were loose from the lack of proper nutrition.

After I graduated, I wasn’t even motivated to go to school or the military like I had planned. I got a shitty job as a waitress, and I stayed at home all the time or I went with him out or helped him at his work.

All this time, people had witnessed him verbally abuse me, berate me, and even hit me a few times. NO ONE stood up and said, ‘Hey, this is WRONG!’.

When we broke up because he was tired of my depression, I was 19, about 6 months from 20. I had scars all over my body. My teeth were in bad shape, and my hair was a short, pixie-cut mess. I had cut it about a year before, to keep him from pulling me by the hair. It worked, but it got me all kinds of other comments, such as calling me a lesbian and a bull d*ke. I was broken and I could barely function from panic attacks and self-loathing. I hated myself. I felt used.

When my ex, the one who had moved, found out about it YEARS later, when I was 22… he flipped. He wanted to kill the guy. But he helped me get over it, to finally move on. And he’s been with me ever since. We have a beautiful child, and we’re expecting another one any day now. But I still get flashbacks and reminders of what happened. I still have times where I look back and feel like I’m used, and worthless. He helps get me past that. And I’ve grown to get MYSELF past it… because I want my daughters to know better. I want them to know that it’s NOT right. That they should never allow anyone to treat them like that, and that they should tell someone or stop it if they see someone being abused. If ONE person had stepped in, had told me that he shouldn’t touch me like that when they had seen it… maybe it would have helped me to leave.

One person can make the difference.

And if you are in a verbally, emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive relationship, PLEASE… do NOT stay. LEAVE and get help, there are places out there that will help you! There are places out there that will give you shelter, or help keep you protected, or help with telling your loved ones if you need that. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, it is NOT your fault, and you should never feel like you are the cause of your abuse! Get help!

I know this isn’t the lighthearted blog I usually do, but I really had to share this. I know that this still happens regularly, in public and behind closed doors. We live in a society today where abuse is sometimes glorified in song or on TV, and that is wrong. And I think it’s time that I share this, to help spread the word. This part of my life is why I am pro-choice… because if I had stayed pregnant, I would have GLADLY had an abortion to not have that guy’s baby in me. To not be linked to that guy for the rest of my life. This situation DOES happen, and it’s vastly under-reported. I never reported him for what he did to me, and while I should have… hindsight is 20/20. There are a lot of things I should have done. And this happens to men too. Women can be the abusers. And men are LESS likely to report it, because they feel emasculated or weak to admit that they have been abused.

Please. If you know of anyone in a situation like this… step up and help in any way you can. Sometimes that one person offering help can make all the difference. 

10-Year-old boy goes for a Joyride... and people think that's cute?

Well, leave it to Cafemom to give me something else to write about. And people wonder why I keep that site on my facebook feed.

The main article in question is about a 10 year old boy who stole his parent’s car, and took off for his grandmother’s house. Oh, did I mention he had his 18 month old baby sister in the car with him?

Yeah…

“The boy – who lives near Dokka, a town 110kms (68 miles)  north of Oslo – put his 18-month old sister into the car sometime before 6am, while his parents were still sleeping and set off to visit his grandparents in Valdres, about 60 kilometres away.

He drove more than 10 kilometres before veering off the road, where he was found by a snowplow driver who alerted police.”

When asked questions by the police, “The boy told the snowplow driver that he was a dwarf and that he had forgotten his driver's licence at home.”

Apparently, the blogger on Cafemom thought that was HILARIOUS. Because, you know, lying to the cops is just so darn precocious! I mean, don’t we all want our children aspiring to be like this cute little thing??

Keep in mind, this child is 10. He is an age where he is fully aware of what he should and should not be doing, knows right and wrong, and that he should not lie.

Apparently, it’s still too darn cute!

No. It’s really not, and I really have to wonder about the people who think it is. It’s not cute or adorable when a child takes his baby sister to their parent’s car, and takes her for a joyride to his grandma’s house, in snowy conditions, ends up in a ditch, and then lies to the police. That is not cute. The sheer fact that some people think it’s funny, just because of his response to the police, amazes me…  And his excuse about being a dwarf wasn’t even that funny. So, how is this cute?

And yes, the parents have some responsibility here, but it’s not all on them… 10 years old is no ‘innocent’ age where they have no idea that it’s wrong. That kid knew he wasn’t supposed to mess with those keys. He chose to do so anyhow, and to put his little sister in danger too.

Like I said, that’s not cute. That’s dangerous. He could have killed himself, his sister, and numerous other drivers on the road.

I’m surprised the police didn’t do anything to be honest… Reckless endangerment, child endangerment, reckless driving, driving without a license… the list could probably go on. And he got released to the parents? This just feels like one of those cases where maybe the authorities should have done something with the kid… I know there are community service punishments that they could have doled out… Even if this is another country, I can’t imagine a 10 year old getting off without any issues with the law…

What do you think? Was it just a case of a precocious child’s antics, or should the punishment have been harsher? 

Main Article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2558223/10-year-old-boy-steals-parents-car-visit-grandparents-tells-police-dwarf-forgot-drivers-license.html

Cafemom Article: http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/168288/10yearold_drives_parents_car_into?utm_medium=sm&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=fanpage

10 Common Pregnancy Myths: DEBUNKED!

**NOTE! All of these myths are false for a NORMAL, healthy pregnancy with no restrictions from your doctor! If your physician tells you to not to have sex, for example, LISTEN to them! I’m a blogger, not a doctor! **

Ok, I’ve gone through this pregnancy thing before, so I knew the myths before I ended up with a bun in my oven this time. I remember how I was with Rayne though, and I thought a lot of this was true. It took a long talk with my midwife and later, my OB, to realize that this was all a bunch of hooey. These were all answered by OBs, in a different article. (or 2 or 3 or 12, since I made sure to look all of this up a few times before writing this!)  So, maybe for the woman who has a cat, or who can’t sleep on anything but her back, this will ease a few of your worries!

 

10- Cats + Pregnancy = BAD!

This is SO false. You’re not supposed to change the cat’s litter box, true.  But cats are not these evil, anti-pregnancy creatures that you have to get rid of when you’re with child! Feel free to pet and purr away!

9- Sushi is a NO-NO!

First, not all sushi is raw. Sashimi is the all-raw stuff. Eating the raw stuff during pregnancy IS bad. And second, as long as you watch what fish you’re eating, and how much of it, you’re fine. No mackerel, shark, swordfish, or tilefish. And tuna in moderation, no more than 12oz a week! So remember, make sure it's steamed at least, and watch what fish you eat!

 

8- Always sleep on your left side!

If you follow this, your hip is going to HURT after a while! Also, backsleeping isn’t as big of a deal anymore, either, so say the OBs. Sleep however you are comfy.

7- No coloring your hair/getting your nails done/etc!

Big false here. As long as you’re in a well-ventilated area, it’s fine. Like, completely fine! Your hair may react differently to products now that you’re rocking the bump, but otherwise it’s fine. Get that manicure or that color and style if you want, mama!

6- Coffee is bad for pregnancy!

Don’t drink a whole pot of the stuff, but a cup or two during the day is fine. Moderation is key.

5- Cocoa Butter prevents stretch marks!

Not necessarily true, and it can actually make things worse! It can make the skin more sensitive, and many women are allergic to it! Slather up if you feel you have to, but don’t expect a miracle stretch mark cream.

4- Any old wives tale about telling the baby’s gender!

The only things that will tell you a definite gender are doctor’s tests, an ultrasound, or lastly, the birth. Any old wives tales are guessing games, I don’t care what Gramma Ruthie says about how that pendant of hers predicted the gender of her girls. Lucky guesses.

3- Pregnant women should eat for two!

No, and we hear this one a LOT! We only need 300 extra calories per day for the pregnancy! We don’t need to gorge ourselves! If you want to, that’s fine, but eating whatever you want can actually be bad for the baby, not better for it.

2- The bigger the baby, the healthier it is!

False. The average baby weighs 7.5 lbs. The bigger the baby, the bigger the risks for future diabetes and obesity are. NOTE: They're still adorable as can be! But it being healthier for them to be bigger is a big myth. 

1- No sex!

No! This is false! And many of us would go NUTS if it was true! As long as mom is comfy, it’s fine! And I promise, dad isn’t going to poke the baby in the head, or take out the kid’s eye, or make a second kid in there! Be sure to tell him that, in case he’s worried about hurting the little one! Many men really think that sex and pregnancy are NO-go areas! The movements of sex can actually put a baby to sleep, like rocking in a cradle! Interesting, huh?

What old wives tales or myths have YOU heard about pregnancy?

Main Reference: http://healthland.time.com/2011/05/05/true-or-false-20-common-myths-about-pregnancy/

My 4 days Early Preterm Labor and 'Almost' Birth Story

Well, I went into labor yesterday.

Color me surprised, because before yesterday, my only big issues were black outs, and dizzy spells, and numbness of the legs… All of a sudden, I’m supposed to be almost completely on bed rest, minimal house work, minimal lifting of my toddler… And you know what, that’s going to be impossible. It really is.

First, my other half works 6 days a week, in the morning and afternoon. And he’s not that big on housework… if I leave it to him, I’d be swimming in piles of laundry and dirty pots and pans, and all kinds of other stuff that HAS to get done. So, I have to do it. I have to run errands since by the time he’s off, the utility company and banks are often closed. I have college work. I have to care for the snotface. I have way too much to get done.

And these things HAVE to be done.

I’m 36 weeks and 3 days. I’ll be 37 weeks on Sunday. I get why they want me to wait and take it easy, but I don’t see it happening… I don’t have the extra hands to be in bed with my feet up for the last 3-4 weeks of this thing!  

And don’t get me started on the hospital… the nurses were lovely, they were nice and all… but damn. I had a shot of Terbutaline, a labor stopping drug. I was told it would sting a bit. It BURNED like the fires of hell had gone into my arm! I’ve had a few shots that hurt, and HELL, not even my Spinal Block from my last C-Section hurt like this! She dismissed it, and said it’s not that bad.

And you are me, how? Yes, I know many women have no issues with these drugs, but when I scream, not from the needle, but from the pain of the medication, that should tell you something! My other half was worried I was allergic to it or something, because he gets a similar reaction when he has morphine.

Second dose of it? Just as bad.

And the kicker? Not only did my pulse soar to 145, and actually hit 160 at one point, but my baby’s went up to 220. I KNOW that’s too high. And no one did a damn thing. No one was the least bit concerned.

The contractions did stop… for 2 hours. Then the contractions began to come back, and the cramps were worse. I’ve been cramping since before they decided to send me home last night. They told me hot baths for the cramps and bed rest.

I also got Phenergan, and that just made me sick. Like… really sick. I was sitting up, and had to lay back from the wave of dizziness and nausea… No warning that it was going to do all that. All I was told, was that it would make me feel drunk.

This was not drunk. This was ‘Holy hell what the hell is going on here…’

My hand where she blew out my vein...
This was AFTER a pressure bandage
had been applied...

Oh yeah, and because the nurse didn’t want to listen to me about where my best veins were… she blew out a vein in my hand. I tried to tell her to go for the arm, but no. She insisted on hand or wrist.  I remember the issues my old OB’s office had with veins in my hands... it doesn’t work well. So, knowing I was right, and to be dismissed like that… ugh. And she even KNEW that the veins weren’t great, and tried anyhow! She said about 4 times how they kept twisting and rolling where she couldn’t get them…

I screamed like no one’s business when she put it in. I hadn’t felt pain like that in a LONG time. (Oh, yeah I had… about 2 hours earlier with the labor stopping meds… I had forgotten. My bad.)

And then, when even she looked skeptical, she turned on the IV pump. A lump immediately swelled up and I arched my back and screamed. I thought my hand would explode. And then she tried to blame it on me to another nurse, saying I had flinched when it was inserted. No, ma’am, I didn’t, my other half even told me I had laid as still as a board while she did it, and never moved until she said it was in. That was on her.

Now, I have NO faith in this place to do my C-section surgery. And I’m way too late to find another place.

I’m currently at home, cramping still, and exhausted. My kid has been a terror today… She has climbed me like a jungle gym, despite me even having to pull her off of me and tell her no repeatedly. She has jabbed her feet and elbows into my stomach in anger because I would not let her climb me. She has tried to crawl into the floorboard of my car after her doctor’s appointment and kicked me in the chin when I lifted her to stop her. She hit me about a dozen times in the Dr’s office. I tried to be nice, got her an Orange Julius since we had to rush out the door this morning… she dumped about 1/3 of it all over her sheets and mattress, and herself and played with it while watching Little Mermaid. And the constant whining has been just… nails on a chalkboard, people. Yes, I have gotten on her for acting like this today, she's not just walking all over me 24/7. It's just been one of those meltdown days...

I’m already over today. Is it bedtime yet?

Maternity parking is for PREGNANT women...

Ok, I’m going to start this off by saying…

Look at my bump! LOOK AT IT!

I’m 36 weeks pregnant! (Minus one day. Close enough darn it!)

And that means I waddle when I go anywhere, and I have started, yes, using the maternity parking wherever I go, if it’s there.  Now, I have this pet peeve about parking places being used by people who don’t need them… I hate when perfectly normal, healthy people use grandma’s car and their handicapped sticker or hanging sign, for example. I also hate when people who are not pregnant park in the maternity parking meant for people 5 months and up.

Today, I was at the mall, and I go once a week for the exercise and to take Rayne for some girls time. We just go walk, we get some lunch, and her aunties work there so we stop and say hi. I physically cannot handle the long walk from the back of the parking lot to the mall’s inside, but if all spaces are taken I’ll suck it up. I just have to sit a while when we get in the mall.

Snuggling her sissy. Because I feel like
showing off my girls today, darn
it!

Well, I park about 6 spaces from the maternity parking, which was full, but I have a small contraction as I get out the car, which happens. It’s part of why, recently, I really use those maternity spaces whenever I can. I lean against the car for a minute, when who walks out but 3 girls, looking to be ranging in age from 17 to 20. Not a one was pregnant. And they were chatting and cackling about how they got great parking and how no one had even checked to see if they were pregnant or anything, and how this was WAY better than parking further back!

By this point, I’m listening intently. And I’m fuming. Like I said, it’s a pet peeve.

They continue giggling and laughing as they get in their car and leave. I hadn’t gotten Rayne out of the car yet, so I went back in and got in that space really fast. But… come on! You three healthy teenagers had to take a space designated for someone who really can’t do as much walking as you?

I mean, they didn't LOOK blind... pretty sure
they could read what the sign said... 

Before anyone says that ‘if you can’t walk, don’t go at all’, note that I was more than willing to park further back. It’s the principle of the whole matter.

I don’t see why people can’t have some damn class and just, I dunno, take a regular spot? Like every pregnant chick has to do when the maternity spots are full?  If a pregnant woman had gotten into that car, I so wouldn’t have cared about it… but these were teenagers who were bragging to each other about parking in the spot when not pregnant.

I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a shut in the last month of this party. I want as much exercise as I can, and that means that I go out to places like the mall, during the day when it’s not busy, and I walk a little while my other half works during the day.

On the list of things that piss me off, this and taking a handicapped space from someone who needs it are pretty close to the top of the list…

So what do you think? Irrational to be annoyed internally, or annoying and it really should stop? Do you get annoyed seeing someone take a maternity space when they aren’t pregnant? (or a Handicapped space when they aren’t handicapped?) 

Shopping Carts: Is there added danger, or should people pay better attention?

I was browsing on Facebook while taking a break from a paper I’m working on, and an article from CafeMom popped up on my feed. Every once in a while, they get something interesting, so I clicked and decided to blow a few minutes reading the article.

The article in question was about a ‘Simple Thing Moms Use Every Day Causes Thousands Of Toddler Head Injuries’. It was about shopping carts, and the seats the kids sit in. And I’m not talking putting the car infant seat on the cart or anything like that. That is definitely unsafe… but the cart with a child of the proper age and size in the seat.

Article: Simple Thing Moms Use Every Day Causes Thousands Of Toddler Head Injuries 

Come on. Really?

Who else can see the big boo-boo in this
pic? Anyone else see the un-buckled
strap? 

Out of those statistics in the article, that “24,000 children are sent to the ER due to shopping cart injuries “ each year, how many of those kids weren’t being properly supervised by the caregiver? The article tells about how 70.4% of the accidents are due to children falling out of the cart. If you’re keeping a proper eye on the child, how in the world is it falling out of the cart? I’m not talking about hovering over the kid the whole time, but it’s usually pretty easy to tell when the child is trying to stand up in the cart or is shaking the cart so rough that it could tip… how hard is it to step in and, if the behavior persists, take the child out of the basket and hold their hand while finishing the shopping? I’ve had to do that a few good times, take my daughter out of the cart and hold her hand while I pushed the cart, all because she would not sit still in the cart and knows how to un-strap her seat belt in the cart.

The other 29.6% of injuries are from children  running into the cart, falling over it, having a body part trapped in it, or having the cart tip over… that sounds a LOT like someone not keeping control of their children in the store, and letting them run wild… I’m not saying children should be perfect little angels, but they don’t need to be running rampant in the store either. Think about it, how many times on a trip to the store have we seen a child running up the aisles, the parents not watching at all, while the child gets into everything??

It’s not safe. And we can’t and shouldn’t blame anyone but the parents if something happens to happen. My daughter walks alongside us at the store. She is 2 and a half. If she were to climb a shelf because we stopped watching (Which does not happen, by the
way, she generally knows if not in the basket, to hold a hand) then that would be our fault. Not a faulty shelf, not the store, not a shopping cart… but ours.

You take responsibility when the lack of attention results in the child getting injured. And it sucks, you feel like shit, you learn from it, and you move on. This is like the people who were misusing the Bumbo seats, so they had to do a recall… When the item is used the right way, the way it’s meant to be used, it’s safe. It’s not safe when used improperly, nothing is.

Example of Child Running Rampant.
(Yes, I am aware it's a commercial)

My TV is safe on the entertainment center. It’s not safe if I try to play catch with it. My blender is safe on the counter, used as instructed. It’s not safe if I set it in the bathtub and stick my hand in, and turn it on. Same concept.

And I understand the article saying we can’t watch the child constantly AND shop for food at the same time. That said however, I see many parents who just wander up and down the aisle while the child is parked and sitting in the cart, bored as all get out and trying to get up and stand in the seat. And MANY of those parents would get pissed if someone stepped in and told their child to sit in their seat so they didn’t fall.

Please, if you’re going to use a shopping cart, be safe. Watch your child. Take responsibility and keep your child seated and buckled, or make them hold your hand while you walk. So many accidents could be prevented with proper use of the shopping cart. 

Excuse me, C-section Mamas are WHAT?!

I had a WHOLE different post written up before this, but it was mostly my hormonal bitching about not being able to go out of town anymore because Chloe will be here in a month. Not worth reading. And the only other thing I hear about with any frequency on the news is about Justin Bieber and his idiocy, and how he’s been doing stuff that would get any other person with a work visa freaking deported.

Earlier, I was reading an article about something called ‘Family-Centered Cesareans’. It was pretty interesting, and as a mother who has had a C-Section with her first pregnancy, I can tell you, I’d have appreciated a LOT of what this article was saying… I’d have loved some relaxing music, or to hold my child directly after birth, and even to see her being pulled from me.  

What got to me were some of the comments.

See this? It was NOT easy being
cut open, let me tell you...
Healing that crap HURTS!

Lots and lots of ignorance.

A lot of people were saying that ‘Women who have c-sections are lazy’, and ‘haven’t you seen The Business of Being Born, educate yourself’ and more. I’d like to clear the air from one C-section mother to the many who apparently don’t know some of these things that cause a woman to have a C-section.

First off, no, we’re not lazy. Considering the recovery time in a C-section, and how miserable you feel once the anesthesia wears off some, I guarantee you we’re not lazy. Have you ever stood up and felt like your entire intestines were going to fall out of your stomach from the movement? Had to hold a pillow to your gut to laugh, sneeze, or cry?  Had to try and prop yourself up to attempt to do a night nursing with the searing pain of a knife ripping through your stomach?

Yeah, not lazy. We go through quite a bit to have a healthy, happy baby, thank you. I applaud you for being able to have a vaginal birth, but please don’t call me or others like me lazy for not being able to do the same.

Swear to God if one more
person asks me if I've seen
this movie...

To answer that, YES, about
15 times!

Second, we’re ‘uneducated’ about doctors and we’ve let ourselves be pressured, the body was made for this, etc. Yes, we’re well aware that our bodies were made to have children. However, not every person who has a C-section has not done any research and is going into this blindly. I, personally, read EVERYTHING I could before I allowed this to be done to me. I was seeing a midwife, not an OB. I was on a very healthy diet, no junk food, I was planning an all-natural water birth and wasn’t even using Tylenol. Then, after having to go to the hospital… we found out our daughter was transverse breech. She was laying horizontally in there. We tried to get her to turn, I did all kinds of yoga and other things, but she was not budging, so by 34 weeks, we were scheduling her C-section.

It was the LAST thing I wanted, and seeing the many comments on articles and pages about how lazy and stupid women who ‘let themselves be conned into’ a C-section were, I actually cried. I mean come on… how narrow-minded do you have to be to think that all women go into this blindly, with no thought about other ways to do it? That it’s an easy choice?

It wasn’t. And I hated having to have it. So no, I was not uneducated, and many other women who have C-sections are not uneducated, either.

Yeah not all C-sections fall
into this category.

Third, all C-sections are/should be ‘emergency’. Just… no. Breech babies that will not turn are not an emergency, but they still have to come out.

Fourth, our bodies were made to do this… Gee, thank you for making me feel MORE defective. I am well aware that our bodies are made to house and birth a child… it doesn’t mean that things always work out and go that way. My body being made to do it, did not make my daughter flip in there. Our bodies being made to do it, does not make the larger baby that got stuck in the birth canal come out easier.

Yes, our bodies are made for this, but sometimes, shit happens.

And lastly, in general… why does anyone else care HOW a baby is born? I mean honestly, does it make the baby have a serious problem if they’re born one way over another? No? Does a woman having a C-section affect you in any way whatsoever? No? So why do you care?

This really falls into the ‘mind your own business’ category here. Even if a woman chooses a C-section, what does it matter to you? Why do you care? Why, in the grand scheme of things, is this, a C-section, so much of a big deal that you have to call the woman lazy for it? Why are you so incapable of minding your own business, not passing any judgment on them for not having a vaginal birth, and instead just celebrating the life they carried for 9 months and now have in their arms?

Is it that tough?

I’m having my second daughter VIA C-section in February. I wanted to try for a VBAC, but the way I was cut the first time plus other issues we’ve had this pregnancy, we felt safer, not only my OB but me and my other half as well, to just have the C-section. I realize that the risks of uterine rupture are low, but those are risks we don’t want to take. I want to minimize the risks of leaving my child without her baby sister and without her mother, leaving my other half to care for her alone.  

I don’t want to risk that. And that alone should be enough. For us, that meant having the surgery.

So before you call a mother lazy or uneducated for the way her child is/was born, remember, you have no idea WHAT that woman went through, and she has no reason to justify herself to someone who probably doesn’t care to hear it anyhow.