Today, My Baby Told Me Something...

I thought this was going to be a more somber entry, but, to be hones; it’s one of the better ones!

Today was the hardest day of my life so far… it was the day I handed my sedated child over to a nurse and had to walk away and take her fate, so to speak, out of my hands, allow someone to put her to sleep, and then cut into her to help her to not be in pain all of the time. I had to allow someone to cause her pain to stop her pain.

We got up at 4am, and told our oldest goodbye, that we would see her after school. Got ready to go, and then got the baby in the car and headed 40 minutes away to Martinsville, VA. We had done pre-op last week, so all we had to do is check in and wait. This was all the easy part… waiting in the room was the part where we could play a bit more, we could let her run a bit in her pink Minnie mouse socks and turtles jammies.

6:15 hit, and they brought us back to get her ready. It was a lot of waiting, and taking vitals… making sure that her allergies and her heart murmur were noted on their notes, and that they knew to watch and see if she had any reactions to the medications. She was attached to wired and a cuff, and she was not happy because she couldn’t be active. She was given a coloring book and crayons, to help pass the time.

And then 7:00 hit. She was given a medication cocktail of Tylenol and what equals out to baby valium, to sedate her and keep her calm. Watching the light begin to dull in her eyes was hard as hell, but tolerable because I was still there, I wasn’t yanked away yet. By 7:20, it was time to say bye-bye for now.

They let us walk her all the way to the O.R. We cuddled her, took turns while we walked, then we handed her over. That part killed me inside… it sounds stupid too. It’s a simple procedure, the whole thing took 5 minutes, and recovery took 35 minutes… but every procedure has risks. I broke into tears as I handed her to the nurse and she looked at me with her dulled eyes. She looked like a baby doll with no life in her, like a robot. No soul in her eyes, just going through the motions.

My hubby and I held hands on the way back to her room. We both were crying, me more than him, but that’s how hard it was for us. You don’t think you will be torn up, you think that because it’s a basic procedure that it won’t bother you… it does.

She did well, though. She was back in a total of 40 minutes. They cut into her eardrum to insert tubes to help her hear.

She came out of recovery quickly, and after a half an hour recovering in the room where we had been before, she was discharged. She was a bit nauseated from the anesthesia and a bit grumpy, but that was to be expected. They told us she did super. 

On the way home

And the look on her face when we spoke to her for the first time after… her eyes widened and she just looked at us.

Suddenly, our baby could hear properly.

And she began trying to mimic us an hour after that. The few words she said before the surgery were almost crisp and clear, and she was attempting new words.

Today, my baby tried to tell me she loved me for the first time.

That alone made everything worth it.

So she is recovering at home, her ears are bugging her but we’re keeping her on her pain medicine to help with that, but all in all… it was all totally worth it.